Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

Relationship Thoughts Vol. 1

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?

2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…

3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.

4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.

5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.

6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…

7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

You’re a bitch: The downfall of Women in Rap and TV

A Facebook friend posed a question:

Seriously. Not judging. But LADIES, does it bother you hearing the word, “Bi@ch” in almost every song today????

Just Curious.

That conjured up thoughts that I had been having for YEARS!

There was this song by the rapper Ludacris called “Ho” that came out in like 2008-2009 and man! I was shocked when they let him say every single Ho on the radio! I was like what?? What happened to censorship?

STOP! I do not advocate censorship.

But seriously. Ho is a derogatory word in just about every sense of the word, nowadays. 9.5 times out of 10 it is not a garden tool they talking about. This was just the beginning!

Recently, like within the last 5 years, it became cool for you to say BITCH on the radio. I faint! Again, the term is almost never used in context.

SN: What is the point in having a context if everyone ignores it. LOL. JK.

So, now, the two words most used in Rap to degrade women are perfectly allowable on the radio.

I don’t listen to the radio: A checklist by the Queen

#1: I hate commercials.

#2: I hate most DJ’s. You’re ANNOYING!

#3: I don’t want to listen to Lil Wayne, all day, literally. Or Drake. Gag.

#4: I don’t want to be degraded!

This Bitch-ho-ratchet-thot-tramp-slut thing is getting out of hand! Two of those words I didn’t even know until this year… I got back on Facebook hard for my book release (SURPRISE) and I learned all about assholes. ‘Cuse my Franch.

TV ain’t makin it no betta! The women (“grown women”) like being called bitches, call themselves bitches and hoes and act like whores and bitches and people LOVE IT! If I see one more clip of two black girls fighting over one black cock, I really will… I’m having heart palpitations… going down!

OMG I’m flat lining. Don’t revive me. I can’t live in a world where women hate themselves that much. They might try to rub off on me.

Extravagant as my reaction might be, I think, in a more philosophical tone, what I mean to say is, revive me when women start to wake up and see how disgusting, they and the men are who degrade them.

I have already made a vow: “If my daughter asks me to watch MTV, BET or VH1 (in some cases), I will say no. I am fully willing to fight a child should there be any debate or name calling.” The only clause in this vow is Black Girls Rock and documentaries. Some, I repeat, SOME music videos will be allowed but it depends on the song, the artist and the content of the video. I know I can’t keep her from everything, but I’LL TRY! On top of that, she loves to dance so I want her to see the latest dance moves and all that.

I’ll also use music videos as life lessons. like “If I ever see you doing THAT I will embarrass you so bad in public, you’ll wanna go live with unknown aunts or uncles.”

In Other Words: I’m gonna be CLOSELY monitoring all interactions with the TV, like the Government does us now…

SN: My daughter does not listen to new school rap. She appreciates HIP HOP (which is not rap… by the way. Article Coming Soon.) She’s 6, but there are some 6 year olds who are very rap literate, so don’t act like she couldn’t be rap literate. What the hell is a Lil Boosie anyway? My daughter, basically listens to everything except mainstream rap. I will introduce her to Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy etc. when she is old enough to not repeat everything she hears, to her teacher.

My daughter is diverse and could sing and dance to anything from Hall and Oates to Pat Benatar to Beyonce to Cody Simpson. She also likes Jazz and International music.

So back to the point… This stuff is ruining our female children! Haven’t you all seen enough twerking videos and toddlers poppin it? Isn’t the joke over now?

I will have a whole ‘nother article on Reality TV and why I think it is poisoning us, even in passing, but I’ll touch on it briefly here because its on topic. Reality TV is so fake, first of all, but to our young ladies, it is very real. They don’t all necessarily have the capacity to understand how wrong this stuff is. They don’t know how disrespectful it is to their eyes and mind because they are flooded with these images and words on the radio and TV. “Anything on TV must be right!” “Anything that glitters IS gold!” STOP THE MADNESS.

SN: When I was younger, I referred to myself and my home girls as bitches. Down ass bitches, hood bitches, the realest bitches… Jade was the first one to stop that train and as I got older I stopped it on my own. Don’t let our girls figure this out on their own when they become adults. Be proactive in your girls life.

10 steps to keeping our girls from being bitches: Do this early and often.

1. Teach them self worth!
2. Train their self esteem with positive and appropriate encouragement.
3. Teach them what love really is and LOVE THEM!
4. Teach them that their body is personal and precious.
5. Teach them to be nice, respectful, giving, caring and be beautiful inside.
6. Teach them not to seek revenge. Nothing is worse than a vengeful woman! They call that a bitch…
7. Teach them values and to be morally upstanding.
8. Tell them they a beautiful no matter what! Acne, bad hair day, braces, messed up outfit means nothing!
9. Don’t fill their heads with images that DO NOT UPLIFT THEM as women!
10. Encourage things that will make them better OVERALL, not just things that will get them material and immoral possessions.

Save our Girls!

 PS: Stop calling men bitches too. Article coming soon.

Love, Queen

Every little bit helps….

I have been dieting and exercising lately. A lot more than ever!

Here is my video diary of the progress… Don’t say anything about that crazy screen shot! lol

There are 3 other videos besides this one, but I have not continued my journal because I have been super busy….

I would like to share some tips that are little, very insignificant things you can do to trim down. These tips will not turn you into a model (even though we all know any woman can be a model regardless of size) but they will help you start to make healthy changes.

1. Cut off the soda! To much sugar. You will lose a couple of pounds just by cutting the soda and drinking 100% fruit juices and water.
2. Share desert! If you go out with a friend and you just have to have that cheesecake, split it.

3. Cut back on meat! Not protein, meat. There are lots of healthy ways to get protein, which is what our bodies need. Our bodies do not really NEED MEAT. No where on the nutrition guidelines does it say that you need a good supply of meat in your diet, it says PROTEIN. When I went vegetarian, I lost 15 pounds in a month. Why? Because my bowels were able to breath! Meat sticks around in your body longer than anything else. Cut back and stick to lean meats.

4. Bake don’t fry! Fried food is a killer, everything that can be fried, can be baked, look it up.

5. Check the food pyramid! Knowledge is power! http://www.mypyramid.gov/ will give you all the details you need about eating healthy! It will even tell you how many calories you need in a day. Get familiar with it.

In closing, my Queens, There is no harm in starting small. A small start is still a start.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

Just Say YES!

So, I’ve done 2 installments of Just Say No and I think I’m done with that. It’s time to start saying Yes!

This article serves the purposes of killing the Bad Boy Syndrome. Women often fall in love with men who are no good for them. I believe that we women can be emotional and use our emotions to dictate our decisions. We need to look at things in a Male Way. We need to look Logically and observe these traits that make a man worthy of us or not worthy of us, no matter how much our heart wants something, its not always for us.

TWENTY Just Say Yes Qualities!

(I had to turn it up on the positivity and bust out 20 qualities on this list!)

Open and Honest: OMG, this is sooooo important. Lack of honesty is the downfall of every marriage that ever had a down fall. I don’t need to speak on this any further.

Loving: A man who is loving and loves you is very important. Someone who is actually willing to express their love is important for a woman because sometimes we can be insecure (Yes, I said it) and we need reinforcement.

Entertaining: This is high on my list because I get bored easy. This includes a man who is fun, spontaneous, loves to hang out and do things. Even if your idea of entertaining is watching paint dry, if he thinks thats entertaining too, then you’ve found the one.

Mature: This is my number one issue with men. Immaturity. This is the number one reason why I date men who are older than me by at least 5 years. I know, I know, younger men can be mature too but that is rare so I’m stacking the odds by trying to avoid them.

Just Say No! Part 2

This is Part 2 folks… here is a link to part 1, if you need to catch up!

https://thequeensspeak.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/just-say-no-part-1/

10 More things to avoid in a man/woman that you are trying to make it happen with:

To Much Ego: A man who is basically, selfish. This is a no no. One for all and all for one is how a relationship should go and if a man is onl

y thinking about himself, how is going to think about you?

Non Listener: A man who is not a good listener. Some one who can not really LISTEN to what you are saying is a useless waste of time. They will never know or understand you well enough to co-exist with you.

Pushy: Someone who is to forward. A pushy man makes me soooo unconfortable. Not giving you a chance to take time to make decisions is so rude and annoying.

POLL: Who Makes the First Move?

Who Makes the First Move? (After a breakup)

So, in my last few break ups I made few attempts to reconnect with my ex after the initial break up. I did respond to any of their attempts, because I try to get over my break up as soon as possible and I just want to co-exist with everyone, even ex boyfriends.

Also in my case, the way I usually break up so much like a meeting that it would almost seem irrational not to keep in touch. We usually try to resolve issues and explain pain and suffering. A lot of people do not get that much into it at all so there are open wounds still left untreated. This makes for difficulty dealing with communication after a break up.

I opened up the conversation of after-relationship-communication because I wanted to get a show of hands on this one. Please participate in my polls and comment when you’re done.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source:http://image1.masterfile.com/getImage/NjAwLTAxMzQ1MDk5bi4wMDAwMDAwMA=AMoEAD/600-01345099n.jpg (image)]

The Sirius El Interview

The Sirius El Interview

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know a lot of amazing, intelligent, wonderful men. I know some men with good intentions but a man who has just about master all of those things is rare. Sirius El is a good friend of mine. I have known him since junior high and he has not failed me. Where other men have gone astray he has always had a great head on his shoulder and looked out for the best interests of his generation and his race of people. He is positive and has a good outlook on life. Why wouldn’t I ask him to write me an article about male and female relations? Well, my friend did not have the time. He was able, though, to give me an interview via Facebook and I have compiled some of his answers here.

I hope I picked good questions that you all wanted the answers to! Enjoy.

QueenPinky: Name the one thing that a woman HAS TO HAVE in order to get a good man?

Sirius El: She has to be humble…I think men go crazy over humble woman…If her spirit shines brighter than anything, and her countenance is beautiful by the grace of her spirit, a man will be completely in love. It’s a huuuuge turn ON. HUGE. Like really big hahahaaaa & if she can stay that way dealing with all of his issues and not tying him completely into the ills of this world that she is dealing with, then he too will become tied into her own grace and that is how people become one love ,one body, one soul which is the original trinity and the only way to have healthy children is to be a healthy family…or healthy environment.

QueenPinky: You said countenance? Did u mean confidence?

Sirius El: countenance= composure*

QP: LOL, I jus looked it up, thanks. New word of the day.

SE: LOL, you silly, okay keep um comin.

QP: Name something that makes a man not interested in a woman.

SE: When woman are overbearing and loud I think those are major turn offs. Now don’t get me wrong our whole culture as African’s in America is a loud, brash, beautiful rendition of creativity at its finest. But when woman are loud in a sense of always wanting to grab someone’s attention by flaunting, or being in there man’s business instead of creating a holistic environment, that’s when men back away, and retreat!!!!

QP: LOL, okay, so then do men want a woman who will pursue them or do they want to take the lead?

SE: I think Men naturally want to pursue relations with a woman but it comes a point in time when a man needs hints. They aren’t mind readers, I think a lot of woman drag on situations further than they should when they can just let [a man] know where the relationship is going by hinting what they want and what they need in that relationship for example woman might think a man is uninterested if they don’t communicate often but the man isn’t willing to give 100 percent when all he [sees] from you is 35 % so he withdraws and does him because it hasn’t been hinted that your [feeling] him like that…it is good to be a mystery to a man. But not a puzzle or labyrinth that has no end…

QP: LMAO, I see, don’t wanna be a labyrinth.

SE: No you should not…that doesn’t mean be easy either…Show him you can hold out on him… I understand woman love sex just like men…But if you can make him hold out for longer than he expects… he won’t consider you the ordinary sexual partner…

QP: Why do men cheat when they have a good woman?

SE: Is that Good Woman really dating a MAN? I ask this all the time because I think it’s all perception…every good woman doesn’t necessarily date Good Men… I’m not good, and I’m not bad either but I won’t cheat on a Woman that proves time and time again how concrete she is in any various situations and in handling our business and her finances and family life. People who do cheat are never satisfied and have been tied into the vanities of this world so there vision of building has been blocked. A good woman should see that and ask questions from jump… first off how did y’all get into a relationship??? How did y’all meet? What [are] his goals, his wants, and his needs? Weigh all these options out before you decide to jump in the sack with him, and if all you want is some dick, don’t be entranced by the way he has dicktimized you from time to time.

QP: What do men find attractive? Mind, body and spirit.

SE: Women are Goddesses. A man can be attracted to the way you move your lips… some men like woman who say more, some men like woman who say less… A woman just naturally has to know herself… It helps for a woman to be grounded religiously or spiritually trust me, her light shines brighter thru that. When a woman finds herself it is a beautiful thing. No man that is incomplete can complete a woman that is already whole. 360 degrees plus 360 = 720 degrees, that’s what we are trying to ascend to!!

QP: Right, okay, Marriage: Why are men for it? Why are men against it?

SE: Men are against marriage because it requires titles, paper “things”. It denotes that someone is your property and you are someone else’s property…it already gives off the aftertaste of modern day slavery without even calling it that. Why must, in marriages, people be constantly threatened so easily if the next person wants to leave and explore???? That’s why I believe some men are against it. They are against paper commitments to something that is already an unspoken love for the next person naturally… What some African woman in America don’t see or believe is that there are places all over the world where African people build holistic communities with multiple mates because it’s not about I’m yours and she’s mine .. No it’s about this is all of ours and we are trying to build a community environment… I believe Men believe in the sacredness of marriage…if you are married you live longer…you have more than one income it has many benefits in America…it has many upsides, the downsides are you can divorce someone just for them stepping on your shoe. People are not prepared for that commitment today so it scares men who see so much BS in their reality…

QP: Okay, I already wrote an article about this but I want to get a man’s opinion… sex? Is it NEEDED? Does it help keep a relationship together? What happens when there is no sex?

SE: Sex = Therapy…everyone needs it sometimes. The reason why men and woman can’t come to the correct understanding about it is because of the relentless perversion of it in the minds of society. When sex was taboo and silently spoke about it was Sacred at best to those involved, but now ohh noooo. It’s all out in the open and not silently sacred anymore. Sex is always good with the correct person. But I believe that fornicating to a certain degree can get your mind off focus and make your world go into a spiral…

QP: How?

SE: Because it turns into something Ugly, something uncontrollable and your body takes over where your mind once stood… it becomes matter over mind at that point…

QP: How do men feel about older women?

SE: I feel like if I find the right older woman I’m a stick with her hahahahaaaa. She has all the wisdom I need but not hecka older maybe give or take 10-15 years I will say hello, 20 if she look damn good.

QP: So are older women better than younger women? Because of that wisdom?

SE: Uuum just because they are older doesn’t mean they are wiser…LOL. I would hope they r wiser and no, a old diamond that is already cut and defined is [not] any better than that diamond in the rough that hasn’t been shaped yet…

QP: How do you feel about men being expected to pay for things? dates? bills?

SE: Everything should naturally in relationships be 50/50, and when one person is more able then the other, it doesn’t matter what gender ,that other person should support them to get back on their feet so they can sustain each other. That way the relationship will be more holistic and real, without the blame game.

QP: What hurts men? Men do not seem like they get hurt feelings or broken hearts but I keep running into men who don’t want to commit because they fear getting hurt.

SE: Men are hurt by simple things…inconsistency can destroy his perception immediately. we discuss how we feel with our closest friends but other than that its kept quiet …being open is a gift and a curse, read my reflection “OPEN” in my notes… it’s difficult getting hurt.

I went to Sirius’s notes and this is an excerpt of what I found under Open: (THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL)

Your first thought is like how did this happen to me?? I mean, really did I leave myself out there like that? Its what people request but when you show them the way, its as if the door wasn’t big enough…after feeling this way some people never decide to go back down that path, and when their emotions become one big bag of fake smiles, and dis-content grows, we grow closer to figuring out if our first mind was really not in our mind but out of our mind, so times pass where we shun others away from our inward pain, which we wear on the outside so often, and others wish that we would just say what it is we try to conceal…

Sirius El

I want to end this blog with that. I think it is deep and says a lot about how we deal with being open to one another. If you want someone to be open to you, you shouldn’t abuse their trust or feelings. That’s why people do keep their emotions closed and we may find ourselves being “kept out”.

Please leave your comments and questions and I will make sure to get you the appropriate answers!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/note.php?note_id=400569237172 (Open by Sirius El)(Copyrighted Material)]

[Source: http://www.blogcdn.com/personals.aol.com/articles/media/2009/04/thinking-woman-300a042409.jpg (image: black woman)

[Source: http://api.ning.com/files/i5tsMGXUvnp0t7Z*2U0WcjrXyoKOkoJmpG5LVc3Ph2yYRdF55*yFN6wcAOwQYIPwVp52f4mtmm-Ghse7p8c01KVBgOeKJ6A8/ThinkingMan.jpg (image: The thinking Man)]

Loving Yourself

Loving Yourself

Has anyone ever told you that you can’t love someone until you love yourself? I have heard that time and time again. Even told that to my love ones in the midst of a pity party and man bashing party. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, after quite a few meaningless relationships, two kids, one babies daddy and bringing more harm to myself than I would like to admit, I finally understood it. I thought I loved myself and realized I didn’t, thought that I loved others and realized I didn’t know how to.

To love yourself means taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Finding positive outlets to relieve stress, keeping a positive attitude and outlook on life, respecting yourself first then others, treating others the way you want to be treated, and responding in a tactful and diplomatic manner when others disrespect you. These are some ways to love yourself. Eating right, exercise, and attempting to learn everyday is good for your mind, body and even the soul. When you love yourself others realize that and respect you. My experience is that people treat you with the same respect you treat yourself. People value you how you value yourself. When you love yourself you demand that people respect you and your self esteem also becomes stronger.

I feel that one reason for violence is because people don’t love themselves and don’t feel as if they have a reason to live.  People who love themselves have respect for human life and furthermore, their own life. People who care about the outcome of their lives do not want to get caught up in what the judicial system can bring a person, because when you get into the judicial system you lose the right to control your own life. There would be more successful people, college grads, more healthy babies, and less violence if more people loved themselves and others. Loving yourself means being a better person inside and out, up and down.

I have been big on this topic lately due to things that have been going on in my life, when it dawned on me recently that I didn’t love myself the way that I should. A way that’s healthy. In my relationships I have allowed a man to call me names, lie to me, become physical, mislead me, and just plain and simply degrade me. I thought that it was okay and depending on the situation, thought that I was playing my position, thought I was being that down ass bitch that a man needed. After an argument with my children’s father, he told me flat out that I was degrading myself and I couldn’t understand that. I was stuck. How is that possible? I thought that’s what he wanted. What all men wanted? Surprisingly enough that’s not what he wanted. He wanted me to be loyal, supportive, and to do what I needed to as a mom. But I did not have to degrade myself in the process. Not even if he asked, because I should love myself more than I loved him. And that touched me. It made me look at other relationships not with just me but for others also. I realized that if that person loved me they wouldn’t treat me how they did. They wouldn’t ask me to do things to hurt myself. I would hear the truth no matter how it felt, I would be hugged and not hit. Then of course there are the people who haven’t a clue about how to treat a dog, let alone a person. I can understand and even relate to these people. And this is why I have put forth the effort to teach myself and show other how important loving yourself is.

Just a little food for thought: If you’re concerned with how your man is treating you its best to take a look in the mirror because the problem starts with you. Just LOVE YOURSELF.

And with that comes my signature.

♥Love, yourself♥

QueenJai