You’re a bitch: The downfall of Women in Rap and TV

A Facebook friend posed a question:

Seriously. Not judging. But LADIES, does it bother you hearing the word, “Bi@ch” in almost every song today????

Just Curious.

That conjured up thoughts that I had been having for YEARS!

There was this song by the rapper Ludacris called “Ho” that came out in like 2008-2009 and man! I was shocked when they let him say every single Ho on the radio! I was like what?? What happened to censorship?

STOP! I do not advocate censorship.

But seriously. Ho is a derogatory word in just about every sense of the word, nowadays. 9.5 times out of 10 it is not a garden tool they talking about. This was just the beginning!

Recently, like within the last 5 years, it became cool for you to say BITCH on the radio. I faint! Again, the term is almost never used in context.

SN: What is the point in having a context if everyone ignores it. LOL. JK.

So, now, the two words most used in Rap to degrade women are perfectly allowable on the radio.

I don’t listen to the radio: A checklist by the Queen

#1: I hate commercials.

#2: I hate most DJ’s. You’re ANNOYING!

#3: I don’t want to listen to Lil Wayne, all day, literally. Or Drake. Gag.

#4: I don’t want to be degraded!

This Bitch-ho-ratchet-thot-tramp-slut thing is getting out of hand! Two of those words I didn’t even know until this year… I got back on Facebook hard for my book release (SURPRISE) and I learned all about assholes. ‘Cuse my Franch.

TV ain’t makin it no betta! The women (“grown women”) like being called bitches, call themselves bitches and hoes and act like whores and bitches and people LOVE IT! If I see one more clip of two black girls fighting over one black cock, I really will… I’m having heart palpitations… going down!

OMG I’m flat lining. Don’t revive me. I can’t live in a world where women hate themselves that much. They might try to rub off on me.

Extravagant as my reaction might be, I think, in a more philosophical tone, what I mean to say is, revive me when women start to wake up and see how disgusting, they and the men are who degrade them.

I have already made a vow: “If my daughter asks me to watch MTV, BET or VH1 (in some cases), I will say no. I am fully willing to fight a child should there be any debate or name calling.” The only clause in this vow is Black Girls Rock and documentaries. Some, I repeat, SOME music videos will be allowed but it depends on the song, the artist and the content of the video. I know I can’t keep her from everything, but I’LL TRY! On top of that, she loves to dance so I want her to see the latest dance moves and all that.

I’ll also use music videos as life lessons. like “If I ever see you doing THAT I will embarrass you so bad in public, you’ll wanna go live with unknown aunts or uncles.”

In Other Words: I’m gonna be CLOSELY monitoring all interactions with the TV, like the Government does us now…

SN: My daughter does not listen to new school rap. She appreciates HIP HOP (which is not rap… by the way. Article Coming Soon.) She’s 6, but there are some 6 year olds who are very rap literate, so don’t act like she couldn’t be rap literate. What the hell is a Lil Boosie anyway? My daughter, basically listens to everything except mainstream rap. I will introduce her to Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy etc. when she is old enough to not repeat everything she hears, to her teacher.

My daughter is diverse and could sing and dance to anything from Hall and Oates to Pat Benatar to Beyonce to Cody Simpson. She also likes Jazz and International music.

So back to the point… This stuff is ruining our female children! Haven’t you all seen enough twerking videos and toddlers poppin it? Isn’t the joke over now?

I will have a whole ‘nother article on Reality TV and why I think it is poisoning us, even in passing, but I’ll touch on it briefly here because its on topic. Reality TV is so fake, first of all, but to our young ladies, it is very real. They don’t all necessarily have the capacity to understand how wrong this stuff is. They don’t know how disrespectful it is to their eyes and mind because they are flooded with these images and words on the radio and TV. “Anything on TV must be right!” “Anything that glitters IS gold!” STOP THE MADNESS.

SN: When I was younger, I referred to myself and my home girls as bitches. Down ass bitches, hood bitches, the realest bitches… Jade was the first one to stop that train and as I got older I stopped it on my own. Don’t let our girls figure this out on their own when they become adults. Be proactive in your girls life.

10 steps to keeping our girls from being bitches: Do this early and often.

  1. Teach them self worth!
  2. Train their self esteem with positive and appropriate encouragement.
  3. Teach them what love really is and LOVE THEM!
  4. Teach them that their body is personal and precious.
  5. Teach them to be nice, respectful, giving, caring and be beautiful inside.
  6. Teach them not to seek revenge. Nothing is worse than a vengeful woman! They call that a bitch…
  7. Teach them values and to be morally upstanding.
  8. Tell them they a beautiful no matter what! Acne, bad hair day, braces, messed up outfit means nothing!
  9. Don’t fill their heads with images that DO NOT UPLIFT THEM as women!
  10. Encourage things that will make them better OVERALL, not just things that will get them material and immoral possessions.

Save our Girls!

 PS: Stop calling men bitches too. Article coming soon.

Love, Queen

Bad Romance

I joined a writers group recently on Facebook and I have made some new Enlightened friends because of that. I thank my mentor Katrina for inviting me!

Anyway! One of my new Friends, Sam B. Redd asked, “Is it out of fear of loneliness that we find ourselves in relationship situations that we ultimately regret. Agree or disagree?”

AGREEEEEEEEE!

We are often caught in a Bad Romance because we don’t want to be alone. I do firmly believe that it is subconscious. Agree or Disagree??

Lady Gaga, in all of her strange glory, I think was the first person to make me realize that sometimes people indeed crave conflict in relationships. She said…

I want your love

and I want your revenge

I want your love

I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J’veux ton amour

I don’t wanna be friends

If you haven’t seen her video, check it out, it is very visually stimulating, and a little creepy. lol, I like it.

Please let me know if you think we suffer through relationships because we fear being lonely. Leave me a comment so we can get this topic dismissed!

Queen Pinky (^_^)

Mind over Matter

ABUSE in a relationship is not an option, right?

Yea, that’s what I thought, but a lot of women (and men) are subject to abuse in a relationship and DON’T leave. Are you serious?

Yes, I am.

I always say that if a man ever hits me I will have to leave him immediately. The reason I say this is because a) I’m not havin’ that shit, b) I’m not going to do anything to a man to make him think he needs to hit me, so if he does hit me there is a serious problem.

Now lets discuss option B. I believe a lot of women feel the same way I do, they don’t believe they do anything to make a man think he should hit them, but there are a lot of  things that are “Done” to a person and we don’t even know we are doing them. Small little snide remarks, eye rolling, “talking back”. I know a lot of men who react to smart mouths with a lot of anger and agitation. This takes me back to the need for positive, effective communication with your partner.

Still more, are the mental aspects of people who are abusive towards others. My good friend Marilyn Wiley has written a few very good articles on the Psychological aspects of abuse. Please check out her articles on the following links! Don’t forget to comment too!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m7d29-ABUSIVE-RELATIONSHIPS-UNDERSTANDING-AGGRESSION-AND-AGGRESSIVE-BEHAVIOR-FIRST

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d3-Abusive-relationships-identifying-a-growing-concern

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d5-Abusive-relationships-tired-of-the-yeah-buts

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Emotions are EVIL

Social Networks are Evil.

They create a High School like environment where nothing is private or sacred and anyone can do or say anything to hurt you.

Now, I am a firm believer that you can use Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and all that other stuff without without the drama because you have to ALLOW people into your space. They can’t just show up in 3rd period gym class and mess with you! The problem with Facebook specifically is that you can see stuff from “Friends of Friends” and stuff like that. That’s were issues come about for me. I have chosen to keep lots of people away from me but a lot of those people have connections to other people I hate and that “Friends of Friends” thing, get me…

Emotions are Evil.

Social networks are the reason I hate my emotions today!

I have a connection to someone who should be very close to me and my life but they are not. I use Facebook to keep people close to me, I’m there everyday. This person upset me today because of something they posted as their Status. These types of things have been an ongoing trend, ever since I connected with this person on Facebook but it wasn’t until today that my stupid EMOTIONS actually let this status upset me. I had been “okay” with this person and the issue we have with not being close but somehow today I just can’t even stand them and they made me cry and I want to call them and give them a piece of my mind…

But I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m sorry I can’t go into more details but there are people who read my writing who know this person and this issue is an issue for them too. I don’t want anyone getting upset just because I’m upset. I’m sure I’ll get over it.

Emotions are THE HARDEST thing to control about oneself. Even when we say we will control ourselves or not be jealous or not be mad or get over something, emotions keep us on our toes. If we truly want to over come our emotions and how they effect us, we run into a serious challenge and an inner perspective check. Being jealous means we probably need to re-evaluate how we feel about that issue, being mad means we may need to think about something further or change our communication method, being happy means we should do what made us happy more often. Everything takes thought and processing and definitely not rash decision making.

And no, I do not think that deleting the connection I have to this person from Facebook is a Rash Decision. They have my number and the phone works both ways.

The Emotion of the day: Upset/Sad.

Big Kiss ( ; _ ; ) QueenPinky

(I think I’ll start another blog with a secret identity so I can really get this off my chest… I’ve seen it work for others…)

Coming Quick

Coming Quick: New Premature Ejaculation Spray (???)

I am all about my Queens, So, I have started browsing CNN.com for news that I can share with my Queens, for their own good. When I went to the Health section (because who of us doesn’t want to be more healthy) I saw some very interesting things. There was a blog on Lady GaGa and her lupus issue, which I guess is not much of an issue for her after all (^_^). There was also stuff about not eating everything you see in a commercial… (-_-)But it wasn’t until later that I laughed myself silly at this link from Dr. Gupta’s Health Blog, “Paging Dr. Gupta”. On June 2nd something was posted called “Spray may treat premature climax”. I can NOT believe the lengths that people are going to these days.

Ladies, I know Premature Ejaculation is annoying but do we really need our men to buy sprays and creams to deal with it? This is so laughable to me.

This article and this idea for a medicine lead me to the thought, and reminded me, that these companies will make anything to pray on our insecurities. I am not a man but I can only imagine how embarrassing it is to ejaculate prematurely. LOL. How do I know? Statements like this, “Oh, its been a long time,” “Wow, you were to good for me,” or “This never happened to me before.” Suuuure, it hasn’t. And let me warn you ladies: This article on CNN.com states that the difference between the times from penetration to climax went from 36 SECONDS (Penetration to Climax) to 3.3 MINUTES (Penetration to Climax)…… Yea, these are some extreme cases we’re dealing with. Not Missy Elliot’s “One Minute Man” but something way worst.

But in my Kings defense: Ladies, we don’t make it much better for their egos. We start making jokes on our guy as soon as he even thinks about not taking his time with us. If we would cut them a little slack they probably wouldn’t feel so insecure, and less men will run out to buy the “Hold-On-To-That-Feeling-Spray”.

There is a bigger issue at play here, though: Medicines that cure our insecurities. We have to work on our insecurities from the inside out. No implants, surgeries or pills should make us feel better. We should love ourselves no mater what.

If you’re interested, check out the full article on Dr. Gupta’s Blog @ http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2010/06/02/spray-may-treat-premature-climax/ and make sure to read the comments at the bottom. Some readers have very good opinions regarding this matter.

Big Kiss(^_^)QueenPinky

[Source:http://www.justforguys.com/images/content/disappointed-man.jpg (Image)]
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Loving Yourself

Loving Yourself

Has anyone ever told you that you can’t love someone until you love yourself? I have heard that time and time again. Even told that to my love ones in the midst of a pity party and man bashing party. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, after quite a few meaningless relationships, two kids, one babies daddy and bringing more harm to myself than I would like to admit, I finally understood it. I thought I loved myself and realized I didn’t, thought that I loved others and realized I didn’t know how to.

To love yourself means taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Finding positive outlets to relieve stress, keeping a positive attitude and outlook on life, respecting yourself first then others, treating others the way you want to be treated, and responding in a tactful and diplomatic manner when others disrespect you. These are some ways to love yourself. Eating right, exercise, and attempting to learn everyday is good for your mind, body and even the soul. When you love yourself others realize that and respect you. My experience is that people treat you with the same respect you treat yourself. People value you how you value yourself. When you love yourself you demand that people respect you and your self esteem also becomes stronger.

I feel that one reason for violence is because people don’t love themselves and don’t feel as if they have a reason to live.  People who love themselves have respect for human life and furthermore, their own life. People who care about the outcome of their lives do not want to get caught up in what the judicial system can bring a person, because when you get into the judicial system you lose the right to control your own life. There would be more successful people, college grads, more healthy babies, and less violence if more people loved themselves and others. Loving yourself means being a better person inside and out, up and down.

I have been big on this topic lately due to things that have been going on in my life, when it dawned on me recently that I didn’t love myself the way that I should. A way that’s healthy. In my relationships I have allowed a man to call me names, lie to me, become physical, mislead me, and just plain and simply degrade me. I thought that it was okay and depending on the situation, thought that I was playing my position, thought I was being that down ass bitch that a man needed. After an argument with my children’s father, he told me flat out that I was degrading myself and I couldn’t understand that. I was stuck. How is that possible? I thought that’s what he wanted. What all men wanted? Surprisingly enough that’s not what he wanted. He wanted me to be loyal, supportive, and to do what I needed to as a mom. But I did not have to degrade myself in the process. Not even if he asked, because I should love myself more than I loved him. And that touched me. It made me look at other relationships not with just me but for others also. I realized that if that person loved me they wouldn’t treat me how they did. They wouldn’t ask me to do things to hurt myself. I would hear the truth no matter how it felt, I would be hugged and not hit. Then of course there are the people who haven’t a clue about how to treat a dog, let alone a person. I can understand and even relate to these people. And this is why I have put forth the effort to teach myself and show other how important loving yourself is.

Just a little food for thought: If you’re concerned with how your man is treating you its best to take a look in the mirror because the problem starts with you. Just LOVE YOURSELF.

And with that comes my signature.

♥Love, yourself♥

QueenJai

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Property Damage!!!

Property Damage!!!

I just had a Facebook conversation with a bunch of people about women breaking the windows out of  a mans car after they have broken up. I got some interesting point of views there, some comedy and some emotional truths so I wanted to sum them up here. Thank you to Mz. Kewe of JuneBug Talk for starting this conversation and giving me the inspiration.

During the talk I did learn something about men. Men cherish things that they can control or that they think will not desert them. A guy chimed in and said that a car will not betray you like a woman. They also reminded us that they do love us as much as that car but when we change, they change. The car never changes. If we never changed our behavior from positive to negative we would not be deserted by our man or mistreated.

BUT what about when we don’t change? What about when we are consistent and supportive and loving and caring and blah blah blah. Well think about it like this… Men mistreat their cars, or Xbox or Shoes or whatever it is that they seem to cherish more than us. Like not getting an oil change, or beating on the Xbox when it doesn’t play right, but does the Xbox complain? Does it take the games and leave? Does it hit back? No! So on that note, the relationship continues as well as it did before the Xbox got hit. Outside of the physical, a man may never tell an Xbox that it loves it. Women thrive on those types of verbal reminders of affection. This is the difference. Women react to mistreatment, and lack of love, some more than others and without a healthy way of working out those problems then a relationship must end. Just a note: physical abuse means a relationship must end. No Questions.

Something else that the guys said was that it really pisses them off when their property is damaged by crazy women. Of course. A woman would feel the same way if the roles were reversed. Some men even jokingly said that they would resort to violence! It was funny but it was the truth, some men would be so furious that if they caught up to you they would surely try to kill you.

The conclusion I came to is something that I think we all know: When relationships have to be over, no matter when, where, how or why, we must be adult about it. Defacing property is a crime and it will not get your relationship, happiness or sanity back. It will feel good, for the moment but you could incur some financial issues, if you get caught, and the benefits of it feeling good will soon go away when you realize that he can just as easily go get the repairs done, or when you realize you have to pay for the repairs.

If you feel like you might want to deface some property go read my blog “How to get over you ex in 7 days”. It might help.

Queens are bigger than Property Damage.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source:http://www.energyfm.net (image)]

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