Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

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Relationship Thoughts Vol. 1

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?
2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…
3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.
4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.
5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.
6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…
7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

Just Say YES!

So, I’ve done 2 installments of Just Say No and I think I’m done with that. It’s time to start saying Yes!

This article serves the purposes of killing the Bad Boy Syndrome. Women often fall in love with men who are no good for them. I believe that we women can be emotional and use our emotions to dictate our decisions. We need to look at things in a Male Way. We need to look Logically and observe these traits that make a man worthy of us or not worthy of us, no matter how much our heart wants something, its not always for us.

TWENTY Just Say Yes Qualities!

(I had to turn it up on the positivity and bust out 20 qualities on this list!)

Open and Honest: OMG, this is sooooo important. Lack of honesty is the downfall of every marriage that ever had a down fall. I don’t need to speak on this any further.

Loving: A man who is loving and loves you is very important. Someone who is actually willing to express their love is important for a woman because sometimes we can be insecure (Yes, I said it) and we need reinforcement.

Entertaining: This is high on my list because I get bored easy. This includes a man who is fun, spontaneous, loves to hang out and do things. Even if your idea of entertaining is watching paint dry, if he thinks thats entertaining too, then you’ve found the one.

Mature: This is my number one issue with men. Immaturity. This is the number one reason why I date men who are older than me by at least 5 years. I know, I know, younger men can be mature too but that is rare so I’m stacking the odds by trying to avoid them.

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Sex, what is it good for?

Sex, what is it good for?

My favorite male phrase: “I need it.” This, in reference to Sex. Nobody NEEDS sex, or do they??? Sex… I don’t even wanna go here with this topic. I really don’t but I must ask the question, “Is sex necessary for a relationship to thrive?” Ugh. There it is. I said it.

Let’s start at Livestrong.com. I googled the effects of sex on the body and I got them. LiveStrong is pretty reputable so I figure, what the hey, let’s check it out. Turns out that frequent sex can make you healthier. SURPRISE. Lol. Safe sex, with a committed partner can be beneficial to your health. You can burn calories, it reduces the risk of heart attack and stroke in men with regular sexual activity (I don’t know what they conceder “regular activity”…). Endorphins released during sex can relieve pain from migraines and arthritis. Lol, so stop using that my head hurts excuse, ladies. Sex can also increases estrogen and reduces PMS symptoms. Sex can change your mood for the better. The article also goes on to the disadvantages of sex as well, including STD’s and physical bodily pain.

So, all that being said, I’m back to, is it good for a relationship? Well, I would guess so. It is the highest form of intimacy between a man and woman. There is nothing more affectionate than that, as far as I know. I’ve heard a lot of women and men say that if their sex life declines they automatically assume that there is something wrong with their significant other. They may not know exactly what the problem is until they really find out what the problem is but a lack of sex is always a hunch.

Some people use sex as a secret story they share with each other. Their intimate secrets come out in words and touches and it brings couples closer together. Also, can we not all agree that when sexual attraction is gone, one, or both partners seek it elsewhere? Seems like a strong sexual relationship will help sustain a relationship, but we all know that a relationship cannot live on sex alone.

The number one thing that sex is good for in a relationship is multiplication. That’s exactly what sex exists for. Everyone is playing Russian Roulette when it comes to sex because a child could come into the picture at anytime. That’s just one of the many things that could go wrong. Kids are a blessing from God, don’t get me wrong, I know first hand, I am a mother, but an unplanned pregnancy can be very tough on a couple.

So I guess my talk on sex has revealed a few things…

  1. Sex is good for the body. Sex is also bad for the body, if a couple is being irresponsible…
  2. Sex is good for a relationship, as long as it is healthy and safe. The absence of sex is bad for a relationship depending on each member of the relationship and how they value sex.
  3. Sex creates life.

So, sex is good and bad. That’s what I thought.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source: http://www.livestrong.com/article/10054-need-sexs-effects-body/%5D

[Source: http://www.essence.com/images/mt/relationships_intimacy_web.jpg (image)]

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