You’re a bitch: The downfall of Women in Rap and TV

A Facebook friend posed a question:

Seriously. Not judging. But LADIES, does it bother you hearing the word, “Bi@ch” in almost every song today????

Just Curious.

That conjured up thoughts that I had been having for YEARS!

There was this song by the rapper Ludacris called “Ho” that came out in like 2008-2009 and man! I was shocked when they let him say every single Ho on the radio! I was like what?? What happened to censorship?

STOP! I do not advocate censorship.

But seriously. Ho is a derogatory word in just about every sense of the word, nowadays. 9.5 times out of 10 it is not a garden tool they talking about. This was just the beginning!

Recently, like within the last 5 years, it became cool for you to say BITCH on the radio. I faint! Again, the term is almost never used in context.

SN: What is the point in having a context if everyone ignores it. LOL. JK.

So, now, the two words most used in Rap to degrade women are perfectly allowable on the radio.

I don’t listen to the radio: A checklist by the Queen

#1: I hate commercials.

#2: I hate most DJ’s. You’re ANNOYING!

#3: I don’t want to listen to Lil Wayne, all day, literally. Or Drake. Gag.

#4: I don’t want to be degraded!

This Bitch-ho-ratchet-thot-tramp-slut thing is getting out of hand! Two of those words I didn’t even know until this year… I got back on Facebook hard for my book release (SURPRISE) and I learned all about assholes. ‘Cuse my Franch.

TV ain’t makin it no betta! The women (“grown women”) like being called bitches, call themselves bitches and hoes and act like whores and bitches and people LOVE IT! If I see one more clip of two black girls fighting over one black cock, I really will… I’m having heart palpitations… going down!

OMG I’m flat lining. Don’t revive me. I can’t live in a world where women hate themselves that much. They might try to rub off on me.

Extravagant as my reaction might be, I think, in a more philosophical tone, what I mean to say is, revive me when women start to wake up and see how disgusting, they and the men are who degrade them.

I have already made a vow: “If my daughter asks me to watch MTV, BET or VH1 (in some cases), I will say no. I am fully willing to fight a child should there be any debate or name calling.” The only clause in this vow is Black Girls Rock and documentaries. Some, I repeat, SOME music videos will be allowed but it depends on the song, the artist and the content of the video. I know I can’t keep her from everything, but I’LL TRY! On top of that, she loves to dance so I want her to see the latest dance moves and all that.

I’ll also use music videos as life lessons. like “If I ever see you doing THAT I will embarrass you so bad in public, you’ll wanna go live with unknown aunts or uncles.”

In Other Words: I’m gonna be CLOSELY monitoring all interactions with the TV, like the Government does us now…

SN: My daughter does not listen to new school rap. She appreciates HIP HOP (which is not rap… by the way. Article Coming Soon.) She’s 6, but there are some 6 year olds who are very rap literate, so don’t act like she couldn’t be rap literate. What the hell is a Lil Boosie anyway? My daughter, basically listens to everything except mainstream rap. I will introduce her to Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy etc. when she is old enough to not repeat everything she hears, to her teacher.

My daughter is diverse and could sing and dance to anything from Hall and Oates to Pat Benatar to Beyonce to Cody Simpson. She also likes Jazz and International music.

So back to the point… This stuff is ruining our female children! Haven’t you all seen enough twerking videos and toddlers poppin it? Isn’t the joke over now?

I will have a whole ‘nother article on Reality TV and why I think it is poisoning us, even in passing, but I’ll touch on it briefly here because its on topic. Reality TV is so fake, first of all, but to our young ladies, it is very real. They don’t all necessarily have the capacity to understand how wrong this stuff is. They don’t know how disrespectful it is to their eyes and mind because they are flooded with these images and words on the radio and TV. “Anything on TV must be right!” “Anything that glitters IS gold!” STOP THE MADNESS.

SN: When I was younger, I referred to myself and my home girls as bitches. Down ass bitches, hood bitches, the realest bitches… Jade was the first one to stop that train and as I got older I stopped it on my own. Don’t let our girls figure this out on their own when they become adults. Be proactive in your girls life.

10 steps to keeping our girls from being bitches: Do this early and often.

1. Teach them self worth!
2. Train their self esteem with positive and appropriate encouragement.
3. Teach them what love really is and LOVE THEM!
4. Teach them that their body is personal and precious.
5. Teach them to be nice, respectful, giving, caring and be beautiful inside.
6. Teach them not to seek revenge. Nothing is worse than a vengeful woman! They call that a bitch…
7. Teach them values and to be morally upstanding.
8. Tell them they a beautiful no matter what! Acne, bad hair day, braces, messed up outfit means nothing!
9. Don’t fill their heads with images that DO NOT UPLIFT THEM as women!
10. Encourage things that will make them better OVERALL, not just things that will get them material and immoral possessions.

Save our Girls!

 PS: Stop calling men bitches too. Article coming soon.

Love, Queen

Mind over Matter

ABUSE in a relationship is not an option, right?

Yea, that’s what I thought, but a lot of women (and men) are subject to abuse in a relationship and DON’T leave. Are you serious?

Yes, I am.

I always say that if a man ever hits me I will have to leave him immediately. The reason I say this is because a) I’m not havin’ that shit, b) I’m not going to do anything to a man to make him think he needs to hit me, so if he does hit me there is a serious problem.

Now lets discuss option B. I believe a lot of women feel the same way I do, they don’t believe they do anything to make a man think he should hit them, but there are a lot of  things that are “Done” to a person and we don’t even know we are doing them. Small little snide remarks, eye rolling, “talking back”. I know a lot of men who react to smart mouths with a lot of anger and agitation. This takes me back to the need for positive, effective communication with your partner.

Still more, are the mental aspects of people who are abusive towards others. My good friend Marilyn Wiley has written a few very good articles on the Psychological aspects of abuse. Please check out her articles on the following links! Don’t forget to comment too!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m7d29-ABUSIVE-RELATIONSHIPS-UNDERSTANDING-AGGRESSION-AND-AGGRESSIVE-BEHAVIOR-FIRST

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d3-Abusive-relationships-identifying-a-growing-concern

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d5-Abusive-relationships-tired-of-the-yeah-buts

Loving Yourself

Loving Yourself

Has anyone ever told you that you can’t love someone until you love yourself? I have heard that time and time again. Even told that to my love ones in the midst of a pity party and man bashing party. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, after quite a few meaningless relationships, two kids, one babies daddy and bringing more harm to myself than I would like to admit, I finally understood it. I thought I loved myself and realized I didn’t, thought that I loved others and realized I didn’t know how to.

To love yourself means taking care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Finding positive outlets to relieve stress, keeping a positive attitude and outlook on life, respecting yourself first then others, treating others the way you want to be treated, and responding in a tactful and diplomatic manner when others disrespect you. These are some ways to love yourself. Eating right, exercise, and attempting to learn everyday is good for your mind, body and even the soul. When you love yourself others realize that and respect you. My experience is that people treat you with the same respect you treat yourself. People value you how you value yourself. When you love yourself you demand that people respect you and your self esteem also becomes stronger.

I feel that one reason for violence is because people don’t love themselves and don’t feel as if they have a reason to live.  People who love themselves have respect for human life and furthermore, their own life. People who care about the outcome of their lives do not want to get caught up in what the judicial system can bring a person, because when you get into the judicial system you lose the right to control your own life. There would be more successful people, college grads, more healthy babies, and less violence if more people loved themselves and others. Loving yourself means being a better person inside and out, up and down.

I have been big on this topic lately due to things that have been going on in my life, when it dawned on me recently that I didn’t love myself the way that I should. A way that’s healthy. In my relationships I have allowed a man to call me names, lie to me, become physical, mislead me, and just plain and simply degrade me. I thought that it was okay and depending on the situation, thought that I was playing my position, thought I was being that down ass bitch that a man needed. After an argument with my children’s father, he told me flat out that I was degrading myself and I couldn’t understand that. I was stuck. How is that possible? I thought that’s what he wanted. What all men wanted? Surprisingly enough that’s not what he wanted. He wanted me to be loyal, supportive, and to do what I needed to as a mom. But I did not have to degrade myself in the process. Not even if he asked, because I should love myself more than I loved him. And that touched me. It made me look at other relationships not with just me but for others also. I realized that if that person loved me they wouldn’t treat me how they did. They wouldn’t ask me to do things to hurt myself. I would hear the truth no matter how it felt, I would be hugged and not hit. Then of course there are the people who haven’t a clue about how to treat a dog, let alone a person. I can understand and even relate to these people. And this is why I have put forth the effort to teach myself and show other how important loving yourself is.

Just a little food for thought: If you’re concerned with how your man is treating you its best to take a look in the mirror because the problem starts with you. Just LOVE YOURSELF.

And with that comes my signature.

♥Love, yourself♥

QueenJai

How to get over your Ex in 7 days!

I got a strange call on June 1^st and it turned my life upside down. I had plans to move forward and those plans got shut down with one phone call. It was a call from a guy who I wanted to become serious with. He put me on friendship status. The reason it was so heart wrenching for me was because everything seemed sooooo right and all of a sudden I found out I was wrong for him. Not that anything was wrong with me, cuz that’s not possible (^_^) but that he was not ready and yada yada. I was very caught up in him, not to mention I had probably two months earlier, just broken up with a guy and it was rrrrough. So This morning I cried soooo hard, like a giant baby. I rolled around on the bed and screamed and almost threw up, but when I got up, I felt better and I remembered the things I do to get over my ex’s.

Please note: these tips should be used as needed and quickly. The sooner you start the better. Sometimes you only need one or two of these things to help you get in your right mind. I always start slow and work into full fledged forgetfulness of that person. If you try everything I say and none of that works, email me.

1. Cry: Like a baby. Let it all out. I always tell my sisters that crying is sooooo good for you. It is cleansing. As I said above I cried so hard I almost threw up. I cried for two days before deciding to do step 6, which I will get to soon. There is no time limit on crying but the problem with it is that you don’t want everyone asking you “What’s wrong?”. We do want you to eventually stop crying but before you get to far into this check list, feel free to cry. You are not weak for doing so.
2. Talk it out: Leaving everything inside is a great way to go crazy. That’s why I suggest crying also. I always talk to my other Queens to help me get a different perspective and opinion, not to mention they totally stroke my ego with things like “You can do better,” “He was no good for you,” “You’re to fine to be crying like that,” etc. (^_^) I ♥ my Queens. People who are outside often see the issue from a non-love-blinded point of view. Not to mention when you are breaking up you often feel inadequate and you need a reminder that you are awesome.
3. Stop listening to “Our” song: Recipe for disaster!!!! Those sexy, romantic songs you used to listen to that reminded you of your man are O-U-T! I believe you should dive into music to help you feel happy but it usually helps me when I listen to music that is the OPPOSITE of what he and I used to like together. For instance, I can usually get real comfortable with 50 Cent: Get Rich or Die Trying after a break up because it’s pure Gangsta Rap and nothing about it is sentimental. Not even 21 questions.
4. Get a good book: Reading is the door to the world. Get out of your house with a great book. Even when you put it down you will think of it and so many books have movies now that you can back up your book with a little cinema! The books I decided to read were Big Boy Brwaly Brown by Walter Mosley and Ice Cold by Tess Gerritsen. Just my luck, all the Tess Gerritsen books are now being made into a TV show on TNT! YES!
5. Rearrange/Clean: Get into your home, throw his crap out, move your crap around. Get his smell out of you bed and your couch. Do some spring cleaning. That will help to get rid of the memories.
6. Create: Get artistic or just do something you are great at. I would do photography but that reminds me of hhhim. I’ll get back into that later. This blog is my creative. This is what I decided to do when I stopped crying and it helped a lot. It took my mind off hhhim and all his ugh. Paint, draw, write, sing, dance, yodel. Whateva.
7. Find a Muse: find someone who you can love from a distance. A celebrity, singer, rapper, sports player who will make you happy doing what they would be doing anyway, had you not had a bad break up. My muse right now is Usher Raymond. I am in so much love with him right now and I would advise EVERYONE to go get Raymond V. Raymond because that CD makes me fall in love with him all over again. He is awesome. My other muse is Kevin Hart and if you do not know him, you are a sad individual. He is a comedian and makes me laugh so hard that I cry. That’s the only reason a man should make a woman cry.
8. Focus on you: The first thing I did when I started to get over my ex before this ex was get my wardrobe in order and add makeup to my daily routine. I got so beautiful, just for me, not for anyone else and it was soooo nice. I felt better about myself and I liked what I saw. Changing from you’re normal routine in anyway will help.
9. Party: Go out! Staying in the house is another recipe for disaster. Get the girls together and go for a night on the town. Eat, dance, have a drink and focus on enjoyment. If you’ve done numbers 1-8, then you are more in your right mind by now and a night on the town will not be hard for you. If you go out with your queens then they will look out for your best partying interest.
10. Flirt: Last but not least, enjoy some male company and get real friendly with a guy. I am NOT advising that you find a new boyfriend, AT ALL. As a matter of fact, I am advising the opposite. You need time to heal. If you rush, like I did, you will suffer. BUT flirting is fair game. Men appreciate you, and don’t let that bum you used to date make you think otherwise. Get out there and bat your eyes, have a dance and get a drink on him. You are not obligated to go home with him or marry him. Fun is fun and the number one thing I have found to restore my self esteem is male attention.

Just remember that its all about you when you break up. You have revolved your life around hhhim, so long, you are now lost. Find yourself, fast. You are great, special, wanted, needed and appreciated. If he don’t love you, then YOU love you, and I love you!

Big Kiss (^_^) Queen Pinky