Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

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Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

Relationship Thoughts Vol. 1

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?
2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…
3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.
4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.
5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.
6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…
7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

How to Break Up

Breaking up is hard to do, but I’m going to try to make it easier.

The emotional part is a given and will have to be dealt with in your own way. I hope that with the way I am suggesting that you break up, you will be more able to over come the emotions involved. Ladies! Time to get LOGICAL!

I have broken up with almost all of my boyfriends. That makes me an expert. (Ha ha, silly me.) I believe firmly in communication, I am patient and understanding, so I think I made it easy for boyfriends to stay with me but shit happens.

The first few times were hard but then I became the master planner you see before you today and this is what I did. I am now friends with every ex I’ve ever had except the ones that I lost contact with…. Tight!

Please remember, everyone is different, this is just my way.

1. DO NOT BREAK UP VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK OR EMAIL! Man up and call. In person can be dangerous, depending on a persons stable or unstable mental capacity but text, email and social networks leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. The words coming out of your mouth are way more clear, even if they are not clear.

2. Know that you really want to break up: If there is Any, ANY slight twing of “Maybe we can work it out,” you are not ready. Do not even think about breaking up if you might change your mind. Changing your mind about a break up (especially in the middle of the break up conversation) will have you looking like a moron and could annoy and scare off the person you are breaking up with. If you are going to be indecisive that can give your mate strength to decide for you and you don’t want that. I’ve seen it before. Make a Pros and Cons sheet to make sure that the negative out weighs the positives.
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Just Say YES!

So, I’ve done 2 installments of Just Say No and I think I’m done with that. It’s time to start saying Yes!

This article serves the purposes of killing the Bad Boy Syndrome. Women often fall in love with men who are no good for them. I believe that we women can be emotional and use our emotions to dictate our decisions. We need to look at things in a Male Way. We need to look Logically and observe these traits that make a man worthy of us or not worthy of us, no matter how much our heart wants something, its not always for us.

TWENTY Just Say Yes Qualities!

(I had to turn it up on the positivity and bust out 20 qualities on this list!)

Open and Honest: OMG, this is sooooo important. Lack of honesty is the downfall of every marriage that ever had a down fall. I don’t need to speak on this any further.

Loving: A man who is loving and loves you is very important. Someone who is actually willing to express their love is important for a woman because sometimes we can be insecure (Yes, I said it) and we need reinforcement.

Entertaining: This is high on my list because I get bored easy. This includes a man who is fun, spontaneous, loves to hang out and do things. Even if your idea of entertaining is watching paint dry, if he thinks thats entertaining too, then you’ve found the one.

Mature: This is my number one issue with men. Immaturity. This is the number one reason why I date men who are older than me by at least 5 years. I know, I know, younger men can be mature too but that is rare so I’m stacking the odds by trying to avoid them.

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Just Say No! Part 2

This is Part 2 folks… here is a link to part 1, if you need to catch up!

https://thequeensspeak.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/just-say-no-part-1/

10 More things to avoid in a man/woman that you are trying to make it happen with:

To Much Ego: A man who is basically, selfish. This is a no no. One for all and all for one is how a relationship should go and if a man is onl

y thinking about himself, how is going to think about you?

Non Listener: A man who is not a good listener. Some one who can not really LISTEN to what you are saying is a useless waste of time. They will never know or understand you well enough to co-exist with you.

Pushy: Someone who is to forward. A pushy man makes me soooo unconfortable. Not giving you a chance to take time to make decisions is so rude and annoying.

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Bad Romance

I joined a writers group recently on Facebook and I have made some new Enlightened friends because of that. I thank my mentor Katrina for inviting me!

Anyway! One of my new Friends, Sam B. Redd asked, “Is it out of fear of loneliness that we find ourselves in relationship situations that we ultimately regret. Agree or disagree?”

AGREEEEEEEEE!

We are often caught in a Bad Romance because we don’t want to be alone. I do firmly believe that it is subconscious. Agree or Disagree??

Lady Gaga, in all of her strange glory, I think was the first person to make me realize that sometimes people indeed crave conflict in relationships. She said…

I want your love

and I want your revenge

I want your love

I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J’veux ton amour

I don’t wanna be friends

If you haven’t seen her video, check it out, it is very visually stimulating, and a little creepy. lol, I like it.

Please let me know if you think we suffer through relationships because we fear being lonely. Leave me a comment so we can get this topic dismissed!

Queen Pinky (^_^)