Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

Ask the Queen

I have always wanted to lend my point of view to others as it relates to their life issues, always wanted to be an advice column writer. I am also open to posting other peoples thoughts, quotes and opinions about pertinent topics.

My readers love reading about (and I will lean towards posting things based on): Love, Relationships, Sex (not erotica), and Young Life.

Basically, I’m going to work it like a post with up to 5 questions that I respond to and a separate post of opinions, thoughts and quotes, also up to 5.

Please use the form below. You can do a question OR opinion, OR both.

I WILL NOT POST A QUOTE BY ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT GIVING THAT PERSON CREDIT AND I WILL GOOGLE ANYTHING YOU POST AS A QUOTE TO ENSURE IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ANYONE ELSE. I DO NOT INFRINGE. Aside from that, I want a quote from YOU that you use to sum up life, not something you borrowed.

I look forward to hearing from you folks!

Queen ^_^

Relationship Thoughts Vol. 1

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?
2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…
3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.
4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.
5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.
6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…
7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

You’re a bitch: The downfall of Women in Rap and TV

A Facebook friend posed a question:

Seriously. Not judging. But LADIES, does it bother you hearing the word, “Bi@ch” in almost every song today????

Just Curious.

That conjured up thoughts that I had been having for YEARS!

There was this song by the rapper Ludacris called “Ho” that came out in like 2008-2009 and man! I was shocked when they let him say every single Ho on the radio! I was like what?? What happened to censorship?

STOP! I do not advocate censorship.

But seriously. Ho is a derogatory word in just about every sense of the word, nowadays. 9.5 times out of 10 it is not a garden tool they talking about. This was just the beginning!

Recently, like within the last 5 years, it became cool for you to say BITCH on the radio. I faint! Again, the term is almost never used in context.

SN: What is the point in having a context if everyone ignores it. LOL. JK.

So, now, the two words most used in Rap to degrade women are perfectly allowable on the radio.

I don’t listen to the radio: A checklist by the Queen

#1: I hate commercials.

#2: I hate most DJ’s. You’re ANNOYING!

#3: I don’t want to listen to Lil Wayne, all day, literally. Or Drake. Gag.

#4: I don’t want to be degraded!

This Bitch-ho-ratchet-thot-tramp-slut thing is getting out of hand! Two of those words I didn’t even know until this year… I got back on Facebook hard for my book release (SURPRISE) and I learned all about assholes. ‘Cuse my Franch.

TV ain’t makin it no betta! The women (“grown women”) like being called bitches, call themselves bitches and hoes and act like whores and bitches and people LOVE IT! If I see one more clip of two black girls fighting over one black cock, I really will… I’m having heart palpitations… going down!

OMG I’m flat lining. Don’t revive me. I can’t live in a world where women hate themselves that much. They might try to rub off on me.

Extravagant as my reaction might be, I think, in a more philosophical tone, what I mean to say is, revive me when women start to wake up and see how disgusting, they and the men are who degrade them.

I have already made a vow: “If my daughter asks me to watch MTV, BET or VH1 (in some cases), I will say no. I am fully willing to fight a child should there be any debate or name calling.” The only clause in this vow is Black Girls Rock and documentaries. Some, I repeat, SOME music videos will be allowed but it depends on the song, the artist and the content of the video. I know I can’t keep her from everything, but I’LL TRY! On top of that, she loves to dance so I want her to see the latest dance moves and all that.

I’ll also use music videos as life lessons. like “If I ever see you doing THAT I will embarrass you so bad in public, you’ll wanna go live with unknown aunts or uncles.”

In Other Words: I’m gonna be CLOSELY monitoring all interactions with the TV, like the Government does us now…

SN: My daughter does not listen to new school rap. She appreciates HIP HOP (which is not rap… by the way. Article Coming Soon.) She’s 6, but there are some 6 year olds who are very rap literate, so don’t act like she couldn’t be rap literate. What the hell is a Lil Boosie anyway? My daughter, basically listens to everything except mainstream rap. I will introduce her to Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy etc. when she is old enough to not repeat everything she hears, to her teacher.

My daughter is diverse and could sing and dance to anything from Hall and Oates to Pat Benatar to Beyonce to Cody Simpson. She also likes Jazz and International music.

So back to the point… This stuff is ruining our female children! Haven’t you all seen enough twerking videos and toddlers poppin it? Isn’t the joke over now?

I will have a whole ‘nother article on Reality TV and why I think it is poisoning us, even in passing, but I’ll touch on it briefly here because its on topic. Reality TV is so fake, first of all, but to our young ladies, it is very real. They don’t all necessarily have the capacity to understand how wrong this stuff is. They don’t know how disrespectful it is to their eyes and mind because they are flooded with these images and words on the radio and TV. “Anything on TV must be right!” “Anything that glitters IS gold!” STOP THE MADNESS.

SN: When I was younger, I referred to myself and my home girls as bitches. Down ass bitches, hood bitches, the realest bitches… Jade was the first one to stop that train and as I got older I stopped it on my own. Don’t let our girls figure this out on their own when they become adults. Be proactive in your girls life.

10 steps to keeping our girls from being bitches: Do this early and often.

  1. Teach them self worth!
  2. Train their self esteem with positive and appropriate encouragement.
  3. Teach them what love really is and LOVE THEM!
  4. Teach them that their body is personal and precious.
  5. Teach them to be nice, respectful, giving, caring and be beautiful inside.
  6. Teach them not to seek revenge. Nothing is worse than a vengeful woman! They call that a bitch…
  7. Teach them values and to be morally upstanding.
  8. Tell them they a beautiful no matter what! Acne, bad hair day, braces, messed up outfit means nothing!
  9. Don’t fill their heads with images that DO NOT UPLIFT THEM as women!
  10. Encourage things that will make them better OVERALL, not just things that will get them material and immoral possessions.

Save our Girls!

 PS: Stop calling men bitches too. Article coming soon.

Love, Queen

Every little bit helps….

I have been dieting and exercising lately. A lot more than ever!

Here is my video diary of the progress… Don’t say anything about that crazy screen shot! lol

There are 3 other videos besides this one, but I have not continued my journal because I have been super busy….

I would like to share some tips that are little, very insignificant things you can do to trim down. These tips will not turn you into a model (even though we all know any woman can be a model regardless of size) but they will help you start to make healthy changes.

1. Cut off the soda! To much sugar. You will lose a couple of pounds just by cutting the soda and drinking 100% fruit juices and water.
2. Share desert! If you go out with a friend and you just have to have that cheesecake, split it.

3. Cut back on meat! Not protein, meat. There are lots of healthy ways to get protein, which is what our bodies need. Our bodies do not really NEED MEAT. No where on the nutrition guidelines does it say that you need a good supply of meat in your diet, it says PROTEIN. When I went vegetarian, I lost 15 pounds in a month. Why? Because my bowels were able to breath! Meat sticks around in your body longer than anything else. Cut back and stick to lean meats.

4. Bake don’t fry! Fried food is a killer, everything that can be fried, can be baked, look it up.

5. Check the food pyramid! Knowledge is power! http://www.mypyramid.gov/ will give you all the details you need about eating healthy! It will even tell you how many calories you need in a day. Get familiar with it.

In closing, my Queens, There is no harm in starting small. A small start is still a start.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

How to Break Up

Breaking up is hard to do, but I’m going to try to make it easier.

The emotional part is a given and will have to be dealt with in your own way. I hope that with the way I am suggesting that you break up, you will be more able to over come the emotions involved. Ladies! Time to get LOGICAL!

I have broken up with almost all of my boyfriends. That makes me an expert. (Ha ha, silly me.) I believe firmly in communication, I am patient and understanding, so I think I made it easy for boyfriends to stay with me but shit happens.

The first few times were hard but then I became the master planner you see before you today and this is what I did. I am now friends with every ex I’ve ever had except the ones that I lost contact with…. Tight!

Please remember, everyone is different, this is just my way.

1. DO NOT BREAK UP VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK OR EMAIL! Man up and call. In person can be dangerous, depending on a persons stable or unstable mental capacity but text, email and social networks leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. The words coming out of your mouth are way more clear, even if they are not clear.

2. Know that you really want to break up: If there is Any, ANY slight twing of “Maybe we can work it out,” you are not ready. Do not even think about breaking up if you might change your mind. Changing your mind about a break up (especially in the middle of the break up conversation) will have you looking like a moron and could annoy and scare off the person you are breaking up with. If you are going to be indecisive that can give your mate strength to decide for you and you don’t want that. I’ve seen it before. Make a Pros and Cons sheet to make sure that the negative out weighs the positives.
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