Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

How to Break Up

Breaking up is hard to do, but I’m going to try to make it easier.

The emotional part is a given and will have to be dealt with in your own way. I hope that with the way I am suggesting that you break up, you will be more able to over come the emotions involved. Ladies! Time to get LOGICAL!

I have broken up with almost all of my boyfriends. That makes me an expert. (Ha ha, silly me.) I believe firmly in communication, I am patient and understanding, so I think I made it easy for boyfriends to stay with me but shit happens.

The first few times were hard but then I became the master planner you see before you today and this is what I did. I am now friends with every ex I’ve ever had except the ones that I lost contact with…. Tight!

Please remember, everyone is different, this is just my way.

1. DO NOT BREAK UP VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK OR EMAIL! Man up and call. In person can be dangerous, depending on a persons stable or unstable mental capacity but text, email and social networks leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. The words coming out of your mouth are way more clear, even if they are not clear.

2. Know that you really want to break up: If there is Any, ANY slight twing of “Maybe we can work it out,” you are not ready. Do not even think about breaking up if you might change your mind. Changing your mind about a break up (especially in the middle of the break up conversation) will have you looking like a moron and could annoy and scare off the person you are breaking up with. If you are going to be indecisive that can give your mate strength to decide for you and you don’t want that. I’ve seen it before. Make a Pros and Cons sheet to make sure that the negative out weighs the positives.

Just Say No! Part 2

This is Part 2 folks… here is a link to part 1, if you need to catch up!

https://thequeensspeak.wordpress.com/2010/06/08/just-say-no-part-1/

10 More things to avoid in a man/woman that you are trying to make it happen with:

To Much Ego: A man who is basically, selfish. This is a no no. One for all and all for one is how a relationship should go and if a man is onl

y thinking about himself, how is going to think about you?

Non Listener: A man who is not a good listener. Some one who can not really LISTEN to what you are saying is a useless waste of time. They will never know or understand you well enough to co-exist with you.

Pushy: Someone who is to forward. A pushy man makes me soooo unconfortable. Not giving you a chance to take time to make decisions is so rude and annoying.

Bad Romance

I joined a writers group recently on Facebook and I have made some new Enlightened friends because of that. I thank my mentor Katrina for inviting me!

Anyway! One of my new Friends, Sam B. Redd asked, “Is it out of fear of loneliness that we find ourselves in relationship situations that we ultimately regret. Agree or disagree?”

AGREEEEEEEEE!

We are often caught in a Bad Romance because we don’t want to be alone. I do firmly believe that it is subconscious. Agree or Disagree??

Lady Gaga, in all of her strange glory, I think was the first person to make me realize that sometimes people indeed crave conflict in relationships. She said…

I want your love

and I want your revenge

I want your love

I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J’veux ton amour

I don’t wanna be friends

If you haven’t seen her video, check it out, it is very visually stimulating, and a little creepy. lol, I like it.

Please let me know if you think we suffer through relationships because we fear being lonely. Leave me a comment so we can get this topic dismissed!

Queen Pinky (^_^)

Mind over Matter

ABUSE in a relationship is not an option, right?

Yea, that’s what I thought, but a lot of women (and men) are subject to abuse in a relationship and DON’T leave. Are you serious?

Yes, I am.

I always say that if a man ever hits me I will have to leave him immediately. The reason I say this is because a) I’m not havin’ that shit, b) I’m not going to do anything to a man to make him think he needs to hit me, so if he does hit me there is a serious problem.

Now lets discuss option B. I believe a lot of women feel the same way I do, they don’t believe they do anything to make a man think he should hit them, but there are a lot of  things that are “Done” to a person and we don’t even know we are doing them. Small little snide remarks, eye rolling, “talking back”. I know a lot of men who react to smart mouths with a lot of anger and agitation. This takes me back to the need for positive, effective communication with your partner.

Still more, are the mental aspects of people who are abusive towards others. My good friend Marilyn Wiley has written a few very good articles on the Psychological aspects of abuse. Please check out her articles on the following links! Don’t forget to comment too!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m7d29-ABUSIVE-RELATIONSHIPS-UNDERSTANDING-AGGRESSION-AND-AGGRESSIVE-BEHAVIOR-FIRST

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d3-Abusive-relationships-identifying-a-growing-concern

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d5-Abusive-relationships-tired-of-the-yeah-buts

POLL: Who Makes the First Move?

Who Makes the First Move? (After a breakup)

So, in my last few break ups I made few attempts to reconnect with my ex after the initial break up. I did respond to any of their attempts, because I try to get over my break up as soon as possible and I just want to co-exist with everyone, even ex boyfriends.

Also in my case, the way I usually break up so much like a meeting that it would almost seem irrational not to keep in touch. We usually try to resolve issues and explain pain and suffering. A lot of people do not get that much into it at all so there are open wounds still left untreated. This makes for difficulty dealing with communication after a break up.

I opened up the conversation of after-relationship-communication because I wanted to get a show of hands on this one. Please participate in my polls and comment when you’re done.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

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