Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

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Ask the Queen

I have always wanted to lend my point of view to others as it relates to their life issues, always wanted to be an advice column writer. I am also open to posting other peoples thoughts, quotes and opinions about pertinent topics.

My readers love reading about (and I will lean towards posting things based on): Love, Relationships, Sex (not erotica), and Young Life.

Basically, I’m going to work it like a post with up to 5 questions that I respond to and a separate post of opinions, thoughts and quotes, also up to 5.

Please use the form below. You can do a question OR opinion, OR both.

I WILL NOT POST A QUOTE BY ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT GIVING THAT PERSON CREDIT AND I WILL GOOGLE ANYTHING YOU POST AS A QUOTE TO ENSURE IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ANYONE ELSE. I DO NOT INFRINGE. Aside from that, I want a quote from YOU that you use to sum up life, not something you borrowed.

I look forward to hearing from you folks!

Queen ^_^

How to Break Up

Breaking up is hard to do, but I’m going to try to make it easier.

The emotional part is a given and will have to be dealt with in your own way. I hope that with the way I am suggesting that you break up, you will be more able to over come the emotions involved. Ladies! Time to get LOGICAL!

I have broken up with almost all of my boyfriends. That makes me an expert. (Ha ha, silly me.) I believe firmly in communication, I am patient and understanding, so I think I made it easy for boyfriends to stay with me but shit happens.

The first few times were hard but then I became the master planner you see before you today and this is what I did. I am now friends with every ex I’ve ever had except the ones that I lost contact with…. Tight!

Please remember, everyone is different, this is just my way.

1. DO NOT BREAK UP VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK OR EMAIL! Man up and call. In person can be dangerous, depending on a persons stable or unstable mental capacity but text, email and social networks leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. The words coming out of your mouth are way more clear, even if they are not clear.

2. Know that you really want to break up: If there is Any, ANY slight twing of “Maybe we can work it out,” you are not ready. Do not even think about breaking up if you might change your mind. Changing your mind about a break up (especially in the middle of the break up conversation) will have you looking like a moron and could annoy and scare off the person you are breaking up with. If you are going to be indecisive that can give your mate strength to decide for you and you don’t want that. I’ve seen it before. Make a Pros and Cons sheet to make sure that the negative out weighs the positives.
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Bad Romance

I joined a writers group recently on Facebook and I have made some new Enlightened friends because of that. I thank my mentor Katrina for inviting me!

Anyway! One of my new Friends, Sam B. Redd asked, “Is it out of fear of loneliness that we find ourselves in relationship situations that we ultimately regret. Agree or disagree?”

AGREEEEEEEEE!

We are often caught in a Bad Romance because we don’t want to be alone. I do firmly believe that it is subconscious. Agree or Disagree??

Lady Gaga, in all of her strange glory, I think was the first person to make me realize that sometimes people indeed crave conflict in relationships. She said…

I want your love

and I want your revenge

I want your love

I don’t wanna be friends

Je veux ton amour

Et je veux ta revanche

J’veux ton amour

I don’t wanna be friends

If you haven’t seen her video, check it out, it is very visually stimulating, and a little creepy. lol, I like it.

Please let me know if you think we suffer through relationships because we fear being lonely. Leave me a comment so we can get this topic dismissed!

Queen Pinky (^_^)

Emotions are EVIL

Social Networks are Evil.

They create a High School like environment where nothing is private or sacred and anyone can do or say anything to hurt you.

Now, I am a firm believer that you can use Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and all that other stuff without without the drama because you have to ALLOW people into your space. They can’t just show up in 3rd period gym class and mess with you! The problem with Facebook specifically is that you can see stuff from “Friends of Friends” and stuff like that. That’s were issues come about for me. I have chosen to keep lots of people away from me but a lot of those people have connections to other people I hate and that “Friends of Friends” thing, get me…

Emotions are Evil.

Social networks are the reason I hate my emotions today!

I have a connection to someone who should be very close to me and my life but they are not. I use Facebook to keep people close to me, I’m there everyday. This person upset me today because of something they posted as their Status. These types of things have been an ongoing trend, ever since I connected with this person on Facebook but it wasn’t until today that my stupid EMOTIONS actually let this status upset me. I had been “okay” with this person and the issue we have with not being close but somehow today I just can’t even stand them and they made me cry and I want to call them and give them a piece of my mind…

But I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m sorry I can’t go into more details but there are people who read my writing who know this person and this issue is an issue for them too. I don’t want anyone getting upset just because I’m upset. I’m sure I’ll get over it.

Emotions are THE HARDEST thing to control about oneself. Even when we say we will control ourselves or not be jealous or not be mad or get over something, emotions keep us on our toes. If we truly want to over come our emotions and how they effect us, we run into a serious challenge and an inner perspective check. Being jealous means we probably need to re-evaluate how we feel about that issue, being mad means we may need to think about something further or change our communication method, being happy means we should do what made us happy more often. Everything takes thought and processing and definitely not rash decision making.

And no, I do not think that deleting the connection I have to this person from Facebook is a Rash Decision. They have my number and the phone works both ways.

The Emotion of the day: Upset/Sad.

Big Kiss ( ; _ ; ) QueenPinky

(I think I’ll start another blog with a secret identity so I can really get this off my chest… I’ve seen it work for others…)