Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

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Ask the Queen

I have always wanted to lend my point of view to others as it relates to their life issues, always wanted to be an advice column writer. I am also open to posting other peoples thoughts, quotes and opinions about pertinent topics.

My readers love reading about (and I will lean towards posting things based on): Love, Relationships, Sex (not erotica), and Young Life.

Basically, I’m going to work it like a post with up to 5 questions that I respond to and a separate post of opinions, thoughts and quotes, also up to 5.

Please use the form below. You can do a question OR opinion, OR both.

I WILL NOT POST A QUOTE BY ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT GIVING THAT PERSON CREDIT AND I WILL GOOGLE ANYTHING YOU POST AS A QUOTE TO ENSURE IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ANYONE ELSE. I DO NOT INFRINGE. Aside from that, I want a quote from YOU that you use to sum up life, not something you borrowed.

I look forward to hearing from you folks!

Queen ^_^

Relationship Thoughts Vol. 1

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?
2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…
3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.
4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.
5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.
6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…
7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

The Sirius El Interview

The Sirius El Interview

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know a lot of amazing, intelligent, wonderful men. I know some men with good intentions but a man who has just about master all of those things is rare. Sirius El is a good friend of mine. I have known him since junior high and he has not failed me. Where other men have gone astray he has always had a great head on his shoulder and looked out for the best interests of his generation and his race of people. He is positive and has a good outlook on life. Why wouldn’t I ask him to write me an article about male and female relations? Well, my friend did not have the time. He was able, though, to give me an interview via Facebook and I have compiled some of his answers here.

I hope I picked good questions that you all wanted the answers to! Enjoy.

QueenPinky: Name the one thing that a woman HAS TO HAVE in order to get a good man?

Sirius El: She has to be humble…I think men go crazy over humble woman…If her spirit shines brighter than anything, and her countenance is beautiful by the grace of her spirit, a man will be completely in love. It’s a huuuuge turn ON. HUGE. Like really big hahahaaaa & if she can stay that way dealing with all of his issues and not tying him completely into the ills of this world that she is dealing with, then he too will become tied into her own grace and that is how people become one love ,one body, one soul which is the original trinity and the only way to have healthy children is to be a healthy family…or healthy environment.

QueenPinky: You said countenance? Did u mean confidence?

Sirius El: countenance= composure*

QP: LOL, I jus looked it up, thanks. New word of the day.

SE: LOL, you silly, okay keep um comin.

QP: Name something that makes a man not interested in a woman.

SE: When woman are overbearing and loud I think those are major turn offs. Now don’t get me wrong our whole culture as African’s in America is a loud, brash, beautiful rendition of creativity at its finest. But when woman are loud in a sense of always wanting to grab someone’s attention by flaunting, or being in there man’s business instead of creating a holistic environment, that’s when men back away, and retreat!!!!

QP: LOL, okay, so then do men want a woman who will pursue them or do they want to take the lead?

SE: I think Men naturally want to pursue relations with a woman but it comes a point in time when a man needs hints. They aren’t mind readers, I think a lot of woman drag on situations further than they should when they can just let [a man] know where the relationship is going by hinting what they want and what they need in that relationship for example woman might think a man is uninterested if they don’t communicate often but the man isn’t willing to give 100 percent when all he [sees] from you is 35 % so he withdraws and does him because it hasn’t been hinted that your [feeling] him like that…it is good to be a mystery to a man. But not a puzzle or labyrinth that has no end…

QP: LMAO, I see, don’t wanna be a labyrinth.

SE: No you should not…that doesn’t mean be easy either…Show him you can hold out on him… I understand woman love sex just like men…But if you can make him hold out for longer than he expects… he won’t consider you the ordinary sexual partner…

QP: Why do men cheat when they have a good woman?

SE: Is that Good Woman really dating a MAN? I ask this all the time because I think it’s all perception…every good woman doesn’t necessarily date Good Men… I’m not good, and I’m not bad either but I won’t cheat on a Woman that proves time and time again how concrete she is in any various situations and in handling our business and her finances and family life. People who do cheat are never satisfied and have been tied into the vanities of this world so there vision of building has been blocked. A good woman should see that and ask questions from jump… first off how did y’all get into a relationship??? How did y’all meet? What [are] his goals, his wants, and his needs? Weigh all these options out before you decide to jump in the sack with him, and if all you want is some dick, don’t be entranced by the way he has dicktimized you from time to time.

QP: What do men find attractive? Mind, body and spirit.

SE: Women are Goddesses. A man can be attracted to the way you move your lips… some men like woman who say more, some men like woman who say less… A woman just naturally has to know herself… It helps for a woman to be grounded religiously or spiritually trust me, her light shines brighter thru that. When a woman finds herself it is a beautiful thing. No man that is incomplete can complete a woman that is already whole. 360 degrees plus 360 = 720 degrees, that’s what we are trying to ascend to!!

QP: Right, okay, Marriage: Why are men for it? Why are men against it?

SE: Men are against marriage because it requires titles, paper “things”. It denotes that someone is your property and you are someone else’s property…it already gives off the aftertaste of modern day slavery without even calling it that. Why must, in marriages, people be constantly threatened so easily if the next person wants to leave and explore???? That’s why I believe some men are against it. They are against paper commitments to something that is already an unspoken love for the next person naturally… What some African woman in America don’t see or believe is that there are places all over the world where African people build holistic communities with multiple mates because it’s not about I’m yours and she’s mine .. No it’s about this is all of ours and we are trying to build a community environment… I believe Men believe in the sacredness of marriage…if you are married you live longer…you have more than one income it has many benefits in America…it has many upsides, the downsides are you can divorce someone just for them stepping on your shoe. People are not prepared for that commitment today so it scares men who see so much BS in their reality…

QP: Okay, I already wrote an article about this but I want to get a man’s opinion… sex? Is it NEEDED? Does it help keep a relationship together? What happens when there is no sex?

SE: Sex = Therapy…everyone needs it sometimes. The reason why men and woman can’t come to the correct understanding about it is because of the relentless perversion of it in the minds of society. When sex was taboo and silently spoke about it was Sacred at best to those involved, but now ohh noooo. It’s all out in the open and not silently sacred anymore. Sex is always good with the correct person. But I believe that fornicating to a certain degree can get your mind off focus and make your world go into a spiral…

QP: How?

SE: Because it turns into something Ugly, something uncontrollable and your body takes over where your mind once stood… it becomes matter over mind at that point…

QP: How do men feel about older women?

SE: I feel like if I find the right older woman I’m a stick with her hahahahaaaa. She has all the wisdom I need but not hecka older maybe give or take 10-15 years I will say hello, 20 if she look damn good.

QP: So are older women better than younger women? Because of that wisdom?

SE: Uuum just because they are older doesn’t mean they are wiser…LOL. I would hope they r wiser and no, a old diamond that is already cut and defined is [not] any better than that diamond in the rough that hasn’t been shaped yet…

QP: How do you feel about men being expected to pay for things? dates? bills?

SE: Everything should naturally in relationships be 50/50, and when one person is more able then the other, it doesn’t matter what gender ,that other person should support them to get back on their feet so they can sustain each other. That way the relationship will be more holistic and real, without the blame game.

QP: What hurts men? Men do not seem like they get hurt feelings or broken hearts but I keep running into men who don’t want to commit because they fear getting hurt.

SE: Men are hurt by simple things…inconsistency can destroy his perception immediately. we discuss how we feel with our closest friends but other than that its kept quiet …being open is a gift and a curse, read my reflection “OPEN” in my notes… it’s difficult getting hurt.

I went to Sirius’s notes and this is an excerpt of what I found under Open: (THIS IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL)

Your first thought is like how did this happen to me?? I mean, really did I leave myself out there like that? Its what people request but when you show them the way, its as if the door wasn’t big enough…after feeling this way some people never decide to go back down that path, and when their emotions become one big bag of fake smiles, and dis-content grows, we grow closer to figuring out if our first mind was really not in our mind but out of our mind, so times pass where we shun others away from our inward pain, which we wear on the outside so often, and others wish that we would just say what it is we try to conceal…

Sirius El

I want to end this blog with that. I think it is deep and says a lot about how we deal with being open to one another. If you want someone to be open to you, you shouldn’t abuse their trust or feelings. That’s why people do keep their emotions closed and we may find ourselves being “kept out”.

Please leave your comments and questions and I will make sure to get you the appropriate answers!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/note.php?note_id=400569237172 (Open by Sirius El)(Copyrighted Material)]

[Source: http://www.blogcdn.com/personals.aol.com/articles/media/2009/04/thinking-woman-300a042409.jpg (image: black woman)

[Source: http://api.ning.com/files/i5tsMGXUvnp0t7Z*2U0WcjrXyoKOkoJmpG5LVc3Ph2yYRdF55*yFN6wcAOwQYIPwVp52f4mtmm-Ghse7p8c01KVBgOeKJ6A8/ThinkingMan.jpg (image: The thinking Man)]

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Sex, what is it good for?

Sex, what is it good for?

My favorite male phrase: “I need it.” This, in reference to Sex. Nobody NEEDS sex, or do they??? Sex… I don’t even wanna go here with this topic. I really don’t but I must ask the question, “Is sex necessary for a relationship to thrive?” Ugh. There it is. I said it.

Let’s start at Livestrong.com. I googled the effects of sex on the body and I got them. LiveStrong is pretty reputable so I figure, what the hey, let’s check it out. Turns out that frequent sex can make you healthier. SURPRISE. Lol. Safe sex, with a committed partner can be beneficial to your health. You can burn calories, it reduces the risk of heart attack and stroke in men with regular sexual activity (I don’t know what they conceder “regular activity”…). Endorphins released during sex can relieve pain from migraines and arthritis. Lol, so stop using that my head hurts excuse, ladies. Sex can also increases estrogen and reduces PMS symptoms. Sex can change your mood for the better. The article also goes on to the disadvantages of sex as well, including STD’s and physical bodily pain.

So, all that being said, I’m back to, is it good for a relationship? Well, I would guess so. It is the highest form of intimacy between a man and woman. There is nothing more affectionate than that, as far as I know. I’ve heard a lot of women and men say that if their sex life declines they automatically assume that there is something wrong with their significant other. They may not know exactly what the problem is until they really find out what the problem is but a lack of sex is always a hunch.

Some people use sex as a secret story they share with each other. Their intimate secrets come out in words and touches and it brings couples closer together. Also, can we not all agree that when sexual attraction is gone, one, or both partners seek it elsewhere? Seems like a strong sexual relationship will help sustain a relationship, but we all know that a relationship cannot live on sex alone.

The number one thing that sex is good for in a relationship is multiplication. That’s exactly what sex exists for. Everyone is playing Russian Roulette when it comes to sex because a child could come into the picture at anytime. That’s just one of the many things that could go wrong. Kids are a blessing from God, don’t get me wrong, I know first hand, I am a mother, but an unplanned pregnancy can be very tough on a couple.

So I guess my talk on sex has revealed a few things…

  1. Sex is good for the body. Sex is also bad for the body, if a couple is being irresponsible…
  2. Sex is good for a relationship, as long as it is healthy and safe. The absence of sex is bad for a relationship depending on each member of the relationship and how they value sex.
  3. Sex creates life.

So, sex is good and bad. That’s what I thought.

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

[Source: http://www.livestrong.com/article/10054-need-sexs-effects-body/%5D

[Source: http://www.essence.com/images/mt/relationships_intimacy_web.jpg (image)]

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