Mind over Matter

ABUSE in a relationship is not an option, right?

Yea, that’s what I thought, but a lot of women (and men) are subject to abuse in a relationship and DON’T leave. Are you serious?

Yes, I am.

I always say that if a man ever hits me I will have to leave him immediately. The reason I say this is because a) I’m not havin’ that shit, b) I’m not going to do anything to a man to make him think he needs to hit me, so if he does hit me there is a serious problem.

Now lets discuss option B. I believe a lot of women feel the same way I do, they don’t believe they do anything to make a man think he should hit them, but there are a lot of  things that are “Done” to a person and we don’t even know we are doing them. Small little snide remarks, eye rolling, “talking back”. I know a lot of men who react to smart mouths with a lot of anger and agitation. This takes me back to the need for positive, effective communication with your partner.

Still more, are the mental aspects of people who are abusive towards others. My good friend Marilyn Wiley has written a few very good articles on the Psychological aspects of abuse. Please check out her articles on the following links! Don’t forget to comment too!

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m7d29-ABUSIVE-RELATIONSHIPS-UNDERSTANDING-AGGRESSION-AND-AGGRESSIVE-BEHAVIOR-FIRST

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d3-Abusive-relationships-identifying-a-growing-concern

http://www.examiner.com/x-61751-Phoenix-Abusive-Relationships-Examiner~y2010m8d5-Abusive-relationships-tired-of-the-yeah-buts

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8 thoughts on “Mind over Matter

  1. Wow, this is true! I honestly could not even come close towards thinking about or putting myself in an abusive relationship. I think the sad part about it all is mostly allot of men that are abusive towards their woman is only because they have seen their fathers do that same thing to their mothers. Two wrongs do not subject to a right, but if a woman knows that her relationships is abusive and she knows it is going to continue should not be sitting there thinking rather or not to leave the situation.

    You had some good points made in your post!

    • Thank you for coming by, my fellow Queen.

      It’s all psychological as far as I’m concerned. It’s our instincts to Fight or Flight and if a person is not Fighting or Flighting against an abuser then there has to be something wrong with their brain. Something is blocking their natural reasoning. Also a person who abuses another person must have some psychological issues too – caused by what ever they experienced as a child, maybe. The articles I posted by Marilyn Wiley get into that specifically.

      I agree with you, if a woman knows she is being abused, there is nothing to think about. As Dave Chappelle says, “Stop thinkin and start makin moves!”

  2. Hey Queen Pinky,
    As always you get to the heavy topics. I’ve only once in my entire life
    “allowed myself” to be in a situation with a woman where my options were…

    1) personal injury (mine)

    or

    2) to strike a woman holding a knife and deal with the loss of self respect issues later.

    I did say “allow myself” to be in that situation because we are all guilty at one time or another of letting our emotions do the thinking for us.
    For most of us, hopefully with age comes maturity, wisdom and better decision making skills to avoid those types of people or get away from them asap.

    • At knife point???!!! OMG, That was a bad situation.

      And as far as “Allowing ourselves”, if we didn’t allow ourselves it wouldn’t happen. As a human being, one single entity – not connected to any one else, unless we are Siamese twins, even when being pressure we have to decide to let something happen. On that note, we need to watch for the signs, keep our relations peaceful and get out as soon as things get even a hint of crazy.

      I’m glad you made it out of that knife battle. Seems like it was a little one side . (^_^)

      • I was taught as a child that only the lowest form of animal would put his hands on a woman… and I believe that like a religion!

        For the next two weeks I played that scene over and over in my mind trying to find some way to have avoided feeling like the man I said that I would never become… even leaving MY apartment wasn’t an option since she was blocking the door.

        After it happened her 300 lb. big brother sent me a message that he wanted to see me. So I went to meet him expecting the ass whopping of my life. He looked me in the eye and told me that he would have done the same thing… but neither my family nor her brother telling me that I was justified made it FEEL any better.

        We all like attention.

        Unfortunately some people think that behaving badly to get attention is better than getting no attention at all.

        Like you said… pay attention to the signs. They are there, but we just ignore them.

        The Gospel acording to Bell, Biv & DeVoe states…

        “Never trust a big butt and a smile”

        The truth of the matter is that we allow things like attraction, lust, material possessions and money to cause us to ignore the STOP signs, CAUTION and Rail Road Crossing signs…

        and sooner or later someone winds up under that train asking themselves how did this happen.

        Fall in love with your heart
        but give your brain time to agree as well.

        each 1
        teach 1

      • Your mind is so powerful. I can’t even imagine how communication could break down with someone who seems so logical and thoughtful. BUT relationships are a two way street so one half being unwilling and rebellious to the cause of a good relationship can cause a break down, no matter how strong the other mind is.

        I love the BBD reference by the way. I’m a big Ronnie DeVoe fan and I have been itching to see New Edition in concert… bucket list.

        Umm and yes, we do all love attention and it is a big mess when people use negative ways to get attention. I think thats a learned behavior. They always tell us at work to reward good behavior instead of punishing bad behavior because the children look at ALL of it as ATTENTION even if it is a time out. We shouldn’t ignore the negative but it shouldn’t be the main focus of our day and it should NEVER out do how much we praise good behavior.

        Mind and Emotional Synchronization is sooooooooooooooo difficult. I am a witness. In my case I think his Mind was totally outweighing emotions, whereas I was letting my emotions out weight my mind… Maybe… I don’t wanna admit it (^_^) I’m to logical for that, but a good balance is hard to find.

        Knowing ourselves and LOVING OURSELVES more than we love someone else (I’m gonna blog about that soon) is a good place to start in these cases because I truly believe that unhealthy feelings about ourselves are the root of abusive situations for abusers and victims.

        All this seriousness… I need to go goof off somewhere!

        :P

        Ps. You are awesome.

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