Breaking up is hard to do, but I’m going to try to make it easier.
The emotional part is a given and will have to be dealt with in your own way. I hope that with the way I am suggesting that you break up, you will be more able to over come the emotions involved. Ladies! Time to get LOGICAL!
I have broken up with almost all of my boyfriends. That makes me an expert. (Ha ha, silly me.) I believe firmly in communication, I am patient and understanding, so I think I made it easy for boyfriends to stay with me but shit happens.
The first few times were hard but then I became the master planner you see before you today and this is what I did. I am now friends with every ex I’ve ever had except the ones that I lost contact with…. Tight!
Please remember, everyone is different, this is just my way.
1. DO NOT BREAK UP VIA TEXT, FACEBOOK OR EMAIL! Man up and call. In person can be dangerous, depending on a persons stable or unstable mental capacity but text, email and social networks leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. The words coming out of your mouth are way more clear, even if they are not clear.
2. Know that you really want to break up: If there is Any, ANY slight twing of “Maybe we can work it out,” you are not ready. Do not even think about breaking up if you might change your mind. Changing your mind about a break up (especially in the middle of the break up conversation) will have you looking like a moron and could annoy and scare off the person you are breaking up with. If you are going to be indecisive that can give your mate strength to decide for you and you don’t want that. I’ve seen it before. Make a Pros and Cons sheet to make sure that the negative out weighs the positives.
3. Prepare a speech: I know, it sounds silly, but really, you dont wanna go in looking stupid or confused. That will get you a) embarassed b) not what you want and c) embarassed. (Did I mention how much I hate being embarrassed?) Prepare what you want to say. For us bad memory have-ers, I write things down that I want to say or remember. Like for instance, if I want to remind my soon to be ex that he always stepped on my feet when we danced and I hated that, then I will write it down because when the tears start falling (I always cry when I break up, no matter how much of an asshole the guy was) I will forget about his foot stomping.
4. Anticipate the reaction to what you are saying: People rarely think of what others might say in rebuttal to what they are saying. That’s a very important factor in dealing with a break up peacefully. if you have a good idea how they will react, you can tailor what you are saying to make sure they react positively or at least close enough to positive. Thats another reason I would suggest writing down what you want to say. You can look at it and think about it clearly. Say, “What would he say if I told him we are breaking up because his feet stink?”
5. Be prepared to explain yourself: Don’t say anything that you couldn’t write a paragraph about or debate in a speech. If a person wants to be with you or thinks they have done nothing wrong, they WILL debate you and tell you that you are wrong or try to convince you not to go. You have to be prepared for that. I had to debate with my Ex before the Ex who gave me the tragedy to write this blog for 3 days before we finally cut it off. We had a great understanding of each others feelings by then though because of how much we had discussed, and we are good friends to this day.
6. Do not entertain idiocy: If the soon to be ex is getting real stupid with their questions or answers, cut off the discussion. It will only make the situation worse to entertain the moronic antics. For instance, you are a live at home girlfriend, every time your man gets home, you are there, when ever you go somewhere you call him or he calls you, you talk for hours while you run errands, you are never apart because you can always be reached by text, email, twitter, call, facebook or whatever, when you call him to break up one day he INSISTS that you are cheating. Don’t even entertain that crap. There is no possible way you could be doing that and if you know you are not doing something wrong then dont give it your power.
7. Remain Calm: Do not OVER REACT and scream and get angry. Like I said before, I always cry when I break up BUT that is the most emotion that I like to let a man get out of me at that time. Any and every time that I have been over emotional I have failed at making my point. It wasn’t until I took it down to Basic that I was understood. Breaking up successfully is all about being understood.
8. Decide if you never want to speak to them again: Breaking up with someone does not have to be the end of them in your life. Unless you want it to be. This is why you need to know what you want, what you want to do and stick to it. If you feel like they should be gone forever then make it so and be CLEAR about that. Leave no room for assumptions. If you want to be friends then be CLEAR about that as well, but be prepared for them to NOT want to be your friend.
9. Be Consistent: If you decide that you want to be friends but they dont, give it some time, hell, give everything some time. If they come back and want to be friends, BE FRIENDS, dont be a B-word and all of a sudden change your mind about being friends. The rule is consistency. Everyone needs it. Breaking up is hard enough without you being wishy washy and causing more confusion.
10. Be FIRM: Do not be going back on your word, do not let them convince you to change your mind. That will set you up as inconsistent and a push over and that will not be good for the future, especially if you decide to continue your relationship in mid-break up. That is why we go back to number one, Know for sure that you want to break up in the first place.
In conclusion: I do think a successful break up is all about planning. Flying off with your emotions will get you even more hurt than you were when you decided to break up. I think the process of thinking about how you will break up will be theraputic also. It will give you a chance to get into your own head and see whats rattling around in there. Once you break up read: How to Get Over Your Ex in 7 Days!
If you need any more help, advice or just a confidence boost, email me on the “Contact Us” page of this site.
Love you all, stay Happy.
New Year, New Attitude:: ~*Queen Pinky*~