I know I missed fathers day with this but I have been confronted with an issue and I want to write about it.
My step father has shown me a different perspective on fatherhood this month.
When my step father found out I would be unemployed he offered to pay my rent so me and Khyra could survive. He did in June and we have been surviving just fine. (Except for potty training!) Well, my mother got the bright idea that I needed to visit my father and that she would chaperon us there, to New Mexico. Great idea! I’m off work for 6 weeks, haven’t seen my father since my daughter was born, so why not. Well, my step father catches wind of this and he has an attitude. I think his mind began running wild with all the things that might go on out there. Affairs, money spending, to much fun with out him… (- _ -)
He said to me, “Why didn’t you ask your dad to pay your rent?” I tell him I did, Lie, and that my father doesn’t have the money currently. He says “Well, why do you need to go see him then?” I say because he’s my dad. Period. “Well you gon’ spend your money to go out there and he’s not gonna pay for anything.” I say that just because he’s not paying for anything doesn’t mean I shouldn’t visit him.
I should visit my dad because he is my dad.
I know people whose fathers have passed away. They have no one to visit.
We have had a strange relationship, me and my dad. But he spawned me. He taught me how to co-exist with people who are not like me: My mother spent a majority of her time with African Americans, my dad cohort-ed with Caucasians mostly, so I have developed a unique way of knowing how to deal with just about anyone. My dad was into arts and rock and roll, my mom was into r&b and movies. Dad was Mcdonalds, mom was home cooking and no eating out.
I got the best of both worlds. (And YES, I do indulge in Rock and Roll…)
My dad has never been a money pile and I am glad of that. We spent our share of money on comics, cds, and video games, but it was not hand over fist. He gave me TIME most of all. I saw him constantly.
I always think about Khyra’s father when I think about fathers. I still can’t put my finger on him. My mother said something that made me happy and has given me my new perspective on how I feel about fathers in general. She said, “I just want Khyra to know him and for him to be around.” That’s what I want too.
Fatherhood all really [should] boil down to one thing. People need time with one another to bond. Money can not buy a bond. Money is temporary, it comes and go. Real fathers invest time and energy into their children. POSITIVE energy. Mothers who hound fathers for money need to remember that money can be gained in so many other ways but the way you interact with your childrens father will shape his involvement with your children. Threats to a babies daddy need to sound more like, “If you don’t come spend some time on your kid, we will disown you…” If he can’t do that then what is he really good for?
Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky