Ask the Queen

I have always wanted to lend my point of view to others as it relates to their life issues, always wanted to be an advice column writer. I am also open to posting other peoples thoughts, quotes and opinions about pertinent topics.

My readers love reading about (and I will lean towards posting things based on): Love, Relationships, Sex (not erotica), and Young Life.

Basically, I’m going to work it like a post with up to 5 questions that I respond to and a separate post of opinions, thoughts and quotes, also up to 5.

Please use the form below. You can do a question OR opinion, OR both.

I WILL NOT POST A QUOTE BY ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT GIVING THAT PERSON CREDIT AND I WILL GOOGLE ANYTHING YOU POST AS A QUOTE TO ENSURE IT DOES NOT BELONG TO ANYONE ELSE. I DO NOT INFRINGE. Aside from that, I want a quote from YOU that you use to sum up life, not something you borrowed.

I look forward to hearing from you folks!

Queen ^_^

Ask the Queen 1

Hey folks, I got two questions I want to address in this edition of Ask the Queen.

Hey Queen,

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a while and he has started asking me for oral sex. I am not really interested in doing that. I’ve done it before and it wasn’t too fun for me. Do you think I should try again? How do you think this will effect my relationship?

Signed, Zipper Lips

Hey Zipper Lips, I hate to say this but, time to suck it up. Literally.

In my humble opinion, sex is the corner stone of most relationships, so if yo man has some desires, you CANNOT leave them hanging. That could lead to cheating. In my humble opinion, sexual dissatisfaction is in the top 3 for why people cheat.

Now, don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but in this case I think the best thing to do is address your exact issues with oral sex. Beef up your Google game and figure out how to resolve your issues. I’ll give you one tidbit of info I learned, “Do not let him control the oral sex”. 9 times out of 10, that’s why you don’t like it. My biggest pet peeve: grabbing my head. Now I know dudes like that, so I’ll allow it sometimes, but I want to be in full control so I don’t want to be getting jerked around.

Here’s my list on how to get in a better space with oral sex.

1. Do a 69 – You’ll be much more relaxed if you’re also getting oral sex. and you BETTER be getting oral sex, by the way!

2. Resolve your issues – Think about why you don’t like doing it, tell your boyfriend that, and then you guys work on these issues together. Google and learn.

3. Stay in control – Think of it like a dominatrix kinda thing, but no teeth. Also, if you find being on your knees degrading, then change that up. You don’t have to be on your knees to give oral sex.

4. Have fun – many women see oral sex as a doomed activity and that it’s just for their man, but that’s because they make it that way. It can be very stimulating to both partners.

You can do it!

Queen ^_^

Queen,

Trying to get this girl to leave me alone. She’s not my girlfriend, we haven’t even had sex, she just likes me. How can I be nice about this and get her to back off?

Johnathan

Johnathan, I’m curious as to why you want her to back off. I guess she’s not your type, but anyway. I say the best way is to be direct, not mean, but direct. There is so much more to this question because, if your interested in being with someone else and she sees that, she may still be hurt. I guess you just need to put on your big boy pants when you deal with this girl.

List time!

1. Be firm but not mean when you speak to her.

2. Be honest and serious when you speak to her. Don’t try to crack jokes because she may not take you seriously.

3. Listen to her feelings, if she is willing to talk.

4. Speak to her in public… just in case.

I would also say, if it’s possible, parlay this crush into a friendship. I think that would work best for her and you. This way, you won’t be stalked and she won’t be damaged. Keep it light with her but don’t be fake about it. She’ll sense that.

This question is so multifaceted, I hope I helped!

Queen ^_^

Submit your questions, comments and whatever else here!

Catching Feelings

In my last post I said something about men protecting women’s feelings. Now I don’t know how anyone felt about that, but I’d like to explain myself.

This article is mostly for men, but women, feel free to chime in.

Women are emotional creatures and I think men have taken that as a sign that they should smooth things over and do things to prevent women from being upset.

I disagree with that.

Men should not treat women like babies. It does much more damage in the long run.

I am a childcare professional and I know all to well the problems that arise when we baby a human who has the potential to become mature. From a kid point of view, they become “unable” to do things on their own. Socially, they are whiners and afraid to step out into the world and take risks. Life is all about risks so we should not enable a person from doing so.

This same principle kind of goes for women. If men coddle women, they will never get that thick skin that allows them to flow through relationships seamlessly without so much emotional turmoil.

Think of it like this: As a man, people don’t generally sugar coat things for you so you bounce back from disappointment without long moments of grief (in most cases). Obviously your upbringing and social relationships dictate how emotional you are but, there goes my point. If you were coddled as a child and all through life, you are more emotional, more quickly hurt, etc, but if you experienced life at its real depth, you are stronger for that.

So, I believe women deserve the same life lessons.

But, Queen, how do I do that? I don’t want all the girls in my life crying.

Glad you asked.

First of all, you’re a lady killer, a woman might cry over you (because women are emotional by nature). What you REALLY don’t want though, is a long winded argument and debate about how you have been living a lie, or leading her on, or not thinking of her feelings, or dredging up the past… Need I go on? Just “get to the punchline”, get the crying over and move on.

The best way to keep a woman tough is just to be honest. That kind of sums up any list I could write. I’ll be a little more detailed below.

Example one: If you are just interested in sex, so be it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife if all you want to do is screw. Be straight forward and let her make an informed decision from there. I had to tell one of my ex boyfriends what his problem was: he was so much of a gentleman that he took a girl on a date even if he just wanted sex. I had to tell him, now she thinks you really like her but you only like vagina, and not just hers.

Example two: If you really just want to be friends, then do it. Don’t make her think she’s your wife. lol. Don’t set unreal expectations.

Example three: Don’t do things for your woman that you don’t really want for yourself. This is my latest relationship problem… Don’t just go out with a girl because that’s what she wants and you don’t want her to be upset. She will eventually be upset because your relationship is going to SUCK! Do what makes you happy, BUT DON’T BE SELFISH either. Just don’t do anything that’s going to make you miserable, just to make her happy. Even though she may not say it, she wants you to be happy too and if you’re not happy, she’s not happy.

So, I hope I can bring some realism to these relationships out here. I’ll be writing an article about what a relationship is, in all contexts, very soon. Until then, strive to make you interactions with everyone you meet a good interaction.

Queen ^_^

Relationship Thoughts of the Day

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately… This blog is kinda like the launch pad for my thoughts on that subject because I don’t want my crime fiction readers to think I’m soft! LOL

Anyway! I had a few random thoughts I wanted to share.

1. Confused much? Why is it that when I’m hard to get, I’m wanted, but when I’m showing you that I want you, you back away?
2. Be real! I think the world would be a better place if MEN wouldn’t do so much to protect women’s feelings. More to come…
3. Fool me once… I’d rather be hurt once than for you to reopen the wound only to do permanent damage.
4. Commitment or nah? You CANNOT tie me down to a strictly sexual relationship. I will see others (Because at this point in my life (damn near 30) I need more than that). Take it all the way or nah. Shit or get off the pot.
5. Commitment or nah?? Don’t girlfriend me without a discussion before hand. I am one of those who needs a contract. Verbal or otherwise.
6. What do you want? Yo! Women get a bad rap for not knowing what they want, but guys, really? I guess this goes back to number 2. 4 and 5. You seem indecisive when you are just doing things to make us feel better and 4 and 5 should be self explanatory…
7. Grow up! To everyone, if we would all grow up and get mature, the world would be a better place. In general.

In conclusion, *Deep Sigh*

Queen ^_^

 

You’re a bitch: The downfall of Women in Rap and TV

A Facebook friend posed a question:

Seriously. Not judging. But LADIES, does it bother you hearing the word, “Bi@ch” in almost every song today????

Just Curious.

That conjured up thoughts that I had been having for YEARS!

There was this song by the rapper Ludacris called “Ho” that came out in like 2008-2009 and man! I was shocked when they let him say every single Ho on the radio! I was like what?? What happened to censorship?

STOP! I do not advocate censorship.

But seriously. Ho is a derogatory word in just about every sense of the word, nowadays. 9.5 times out of 10 it is not a garden tool they talking about. This was just the beginning!

Recently, like within the last 5 years, it became cool for you to say BITCH on the radio. I faint! Again, the term is almost never used in context.

SN: What is the point in having a context if everyone ignores it. LOL. JK.

So, now, the two words most used in Rap to degrade women are perfectly allowable on the radio.

I don’t listen to the radio: A checklist by the Queen

#1: I hate commercials.

#2: I hate most DJ’s. You’re ANNOYING!

#3: I don’t want to listen to Lil Wayne, all day, literally. Or Drake. Gag.

#4: I don’t want to be degraded!

This Bitch-ho-ratchet-thot-tramp-slut thing is getting out of hand! Two of those words I didn’t even know until this year… I got back on Facebook hard for my book release (SURPRISE) and I learned all about assholes. ‘Cuse my Franch.

TV ain’t makin it no betta! The women (“grown women”) like being called bitches, call themselves bitches and hoes and act like whores and bitches and people LOVE IT! If I see one more clip of two black girls fighting over one black cock, I really will… I’m having heart palpitations… going down!

OMG I’m flat lining. Don’t revive me. I can’t live in a world where women hate themselves that much. They might try to rub off on me.

Extravagant as my reaction might be, I think, in a more philosophical tone, what I mean to say is, revive me when women start to wake up and see how disgusting, they and the men are who degrade them.

I have already made a vow: “If my daughter asks me to watch MTV, BET or VH1 (in some cases), I will say no. I am fully willing to fight a child should there be any debate or name calling.” The only clause in this vow is Black Girls Rock and documentaries. Some, I repeat, SOME music videos will be allowed but it depends on the song, the artist and the content of the video. I know I can’t keep her from everything, but I’LL TRY! On top of that, she loves to dance so I want her to see the latest dance moves and all that.

I’ll also use music videos as life lessons. like “If I ever see you doing THAT I will embarrass you so bad in public, you’ll wanna go live with unknown aunts or uncles.”

In Other Words: I’m gonna be CLOSELY monitoring all interactions with the TV, like the Government does us now…

SN: My daughter does not listen to new school rap. She appreciates HIP HOP (which is not rap… by the way. Article Coming Soon.) She’s 6, but there are some 6 year olds who are very rap literate, so don’t act like she couldn’t be rap literate. What the hell is a Lil Boosie anyway? My daughter, basically listens to everything except mainstream rap. I will introduce her to Tupac, Biggie, Public Enemy etc. when she is old enough to not repeat everything she hears, to her teacher.

My daughter is diverse and could sing and dance to anything from Hall and Oates to Pat Benatar to Beyonce to Cody Simpson. She also likes Jazz and International music.

So back to the point… This stuff is ruining our female children! Haven’t you all seen enough twerking videos and toddlers poppin it? Isn’t the joke over now?

I will have a whole ‘nother article on Reality TV and why I think it is poisoning us, even in passing, but I’ll touch on it briefly here because its on topic. Reality TV is so fake, first of all, but to our young ladies, it is very real. They don’t all necessarily have the capacity to understand how wrong this stuff is. They don’t know how disrespectful it is to their eyes and mind because they are flooded with these images and words on the radio and TV. “Anything on TV must be right!” “Anything that glitters IS gold!” STOP THE MADNESS.

SN: When I was younger, I referred to myself and my home girls as bitches. Down ass bitches, hood bitches, the realest bitches… Jade was the first one to stop that train and as I got older I stopped it on my own. Don’t let our girls figure this out on their own when they become adults. Be proactive in your girls life.

10 steps to keeping our girls from being bitches: Do this early and often.

  1. Teach them self worth!
  2. Train their self esteem with positive and appropriate encouragement.
  3. Teach them what love really is and LOVE THEM!
  4. Teach them that their body is personal and precious.
  5. Teach them to be nice, respectful, giving, caring and be beautiful inside.
  6. Teach them not to seek revenge. Nothing is worse than a vengeful woman! They call that a bitch…
  7. Teach them values and to be morally upstanding.
  8. Tell them they a beautiful no matter what! Acne, bad hair day, braces, messed up outfit means nothing!
  9. Don’t fill their heads with images that DO NOT UPLIFT THEM as women!
  10. Encourage things that will make them better OVERALL, not just things that will get them material and immoral possessions.

Save our Girls!

 PS: Stop calling men bitches too. Article coming soon.

Love, Queen

I missed this!

Oh man!

First thing I wanna say: WordPress.com sucks! LOL. I just went through hell to get my password back and there is no way for me to email anybody! Turns out they wanted me to use my email address, not my user name, to log in… Suckers.

Second thing: OMG I missed this place. I’m changing it up though. Well, maybe not. LOL. I’m turning this place into my diary. I’m also going to post WAY MORE. Whenever I have something going on, I’m gonna post it.

One thing will remain the same, I will connect with everyone I used to talk to, if I can. Let’s face it, the blog-isphere is readily changing. So, boom. What can ya do?

Lots of reblogs too so keep it tight folks!

Muah!

Queen

Literary Work Review

I have been diligently working as a writer for sometime now and I have some work published! Yay me! I have links to my work here, please take some time to read my work —> http://about.me/TiffanyChristinaLewis

This is an email I got from a writer that I asked to read my work. I thought it was a great assessment of my writing so I wanted to share. If you have anything to say about my work after reading it, please post a comment here and I will use these reviews on my profile.

Thanks for your support!!!

Hi Tiffany

A big thank you for pointing me in the direction of your stories. I just finished reading three of your pieces and wanted to get some thoughts to you while your words are buzzing fresh round my mind. I like the way that you cover very different ground in all three, but with such an individual voice that the stories feel related – like different aspects of a single, recognizable world. You’re creating a landscape here so it becomes easy to imagine that all three of these stories could take place in the same town.

What struck me most about Puff is how it reads like the first page of a longer work. There are so many details here from which other stories could branch off. The way Nya shields her cigarette right at the start – she’s used to smoking outdoors, maybe hurriedly and in secret. The damaged wall – a lot of good stories begin by throwing in a seemingly unimportant detail at the outset that turns out to be very important later on. How did that wall get damaged, how does Nya get linked in to what happened. There are other examples here which make the piece feel like it could grow into something bigger – the trash: maybe Nya gets pissed at people littering round her apartment and waits up one night to catch whoever does it. The boy on his bike – where’s he going and why turquoise? I did love that line about the kids getting joy from wearing down their shoes – yeah of course because they’re running and tagging. But the reader knows their parents won’t feel so joyful about having to get new shoes, which is what makes it a good twist around of an expected situation.

You can see what I mean – these are elements of a bigger environment around Nya and Jeremy and I think what you’ve got here is an intriguing opening to a novel, as much as a story in its own right.

Because I’m an obsessive there’s a few nit-picky things bugged me a little. Something I always have to watch out for is tripping myself up with contradiction – that trash under the window, it’s colorful but the brown papers are dingy. Someone like me would think those two words don’t gel. At the shoot, it surely is bad when some crazy bitch throws water on you but, well, it’s water. What if it was some juice that stained and ruined Nya’s t-shirt and she had to find something else to wear home. Then she could be really angry. Another plot point you could develop if you wanted is that Nya burns her nose with smoke. Well, I guess that her boyfriend’s cologne straight after would probably make her sore nose sting. So she’s really pleased to see him, but it hurts – the start of trouble maybe… You could just take this story on and on.

A Slave to Her on the other hand couldn’t I think be expanded at all because it’s just right as it is. It’s such a sweet succession of moments, and the repetitions give a great sense that these people are doing the same things day on day, maybe not liking their jobs so much, but it’s routine and repetition brings them together. 11:35 is someplace to begin and from there you feel they could go anywhere. “I am a slave to her absence” is a great line and I love Todd’s lack of push – he wants to ask Gia out but until he can he’ll enjoy what he has. Really sweet.

Newsworthy is interesting and works in ways that maybe you didn’t intend at the outset. I think maybe the first three pages could do with a little more work to make the opening a bit more punchy – this is probably wholly the wrong thing to say but the female friends at the start do spend a lot of words talking. Tina’s father is portrayed as a monster yet he seems to give up easily – he leaves in shame but almost I thought too placidly. And Adrian does seem a tad uncurious about who killed her husband.

It’s in the second half that the story catches light, with the action moving faster and the focus on Ms Tina and her two pound flogger – what a great detail: not just any flogger, a two pound one! From her opinion that no single woman can live in the city without a gun we know that she’s a bit special and it would be a fine thing to know what she’s doing with the BDSM gear. Does she supplement her teacher paycheck? Her irritation at the dumbass blackmailer got me cheering so of course I didn’t want her to die – I wanted her to kill the pipsqueak and go on to leave a path of destruction. The payoff line is good though, and again there’s some great phrasing: Joe’s bald spot “made his aerial view look like a swimming pool”, I can see that exactly! The line about staying on top of the story and on top of the interns is a snappy wisecrack crying out to be used in dialogue. Maybe Joe’s death and the final fight could take a bit more muscle in the writing – Tina wants to kill Joe, and she doesn’t want to die, and I’d guess she’s not lacking in strength or determination. That could come through a little more. Writing one on one violence is more difficult than it seems – I’m not so great at it.

It’s always kinda hard I find looking at other people’s stories because I start to rewrite how I want to see things, so please don’t take any offense at any of my ham-fisted attempts at critique. I really enjoyed these and think you should aim on some longer work if you want to. And definitely don’t let the day job get in the way – keep writing.

Thanks again and all the best
Mark

Mark Wagstaff is a GREAT author himself, visit his website to read his work —> http://www.markwagstaff.com

Big Kiss (^_^) QueenPinky